Unraveled

Damaged Hearts 2

Skylar Heart

Unraveled (Damaged Hearts 2)

Copyright © 2020 SKYLAR HEART

All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without express written permission of the copyright holder.

This book was originally published as Blaze.

Original Title: Blaze

Original series name: Broken Bad Boys

NUR: 285

Edition: 20200522

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Blurb

He left me when I needed him the most.

So why is he standing there like nothing ever happened?

Lola

For the last three years, since the night I lost the baby, I’ve been living on autopilot. Barely surviving.

And now, out of nowhere, Blaze is back, throwing everything off-kilter.

I shouldn’t want him. He hurt me. But he’s the only man who’s ever made me feel alive. He was my muse.

But if I go back to him, won’t he hurt me all over again?

Blaze

When I was asked to work on the sets of a movie project, I hadn’t expected to run into Lola, my one love, or that we’d be working side by side.

When I fled the hospital, when I left her, I did things she’ll never forgive.

But I can’t put her out of my mind. I can’t stay away. I know she’ll never accept me, but I need her back.

She’ll always be mine. Only mine.

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This book was originally published as Blaze (Broken Bad Boys 2).

Chapter One

Lola

It’s not every day that your twin sister and her boyfriend are in an art show, let alone in the same one. I’m so happy for them, but, at the same time, I’m a little annoyed that they insisted I come with them to the opening instead of letting me go with our parents, as was originally the plan. My plan anyway.

I check myself in the mirror. I don’t have anything to wear for an art show opening. Why would I? I don’t go out dressed up all fancy and stuff. I have no reason to. I’m not popular or friendly enough for people to ask me to come along to parties and dating hasn’t been on my radar for years. All I have are some old clothes from a couple of years ago, most of them hidden in the back of my closet and boxes under my bed. I don’t even think I’d fit into them anymore, or that they’d still be my style. If you can call what I have a style.

“Lola,” my twin sister, Lizzy, calls out to me as she knocks on the door. “Are you ready to leave?”

“I’m not sure.” I turn in front of the mirror. The shirt and the skirt match, but I’m just not sure if the fit is right. Trying to get dressed up for this event has made me feel like crap. I’ve just taken such poor care of myself that I should just forget about tonight.

“Can I come in?” Lizzy is much better than me at styling herself and other people. She always wears things that really suit her, and since she started dating Hunter, she’s only gotten better at it.

“Sure.” I let out a deep sigh. If this outfit isn’t going to work, I don’t know what will. It’s not like I’ve got much choice or time to fix whatever’s wrong.

The door opens, and Lizzy steps in, shining in a beautiful tight scarlet dress that reaches to the floor, her rough boots peeking out from under the hem, giving her whole look a little edge. She looks me over. “So what’s wrong with what you’re wearing?”

Next to her? Everything. She looks like a model while I feel like I’m not even good enough to serve water at events she could be attending. I know this feeling will pass soon. I’ll go back to boring me soon enough.

“Lola.” She comes closer, reaching out to me, putting her arms around me. Her voice is softer this time. “What’s wrong? You look great.”

I shake my head. “I look... not pretty.”

“Of course you look pretty.” She steps back. “What else do you have? If you don’t feel happy in what you’re wearing, it’s no use wearing it, right? Tonight we shine, we’re going to have fun, not hide in the shadows. So dress for it.”

“You are.” I look at her, then I walk back to the closet again. “You’re the one who’s supposed to shine. I’m just driving you.”

Lizzy sighs, her shoulders sagging, her eyes darkening, that familiar sadness spreading through them. “Not this again. You’re there with us, you belong there. Without you, we wouldn’t even be here.”

Lizzy is talking about her and her boyfriend, Hunter, an old friend of mine from high school. Through a sad combination of circumstances, they ended up in the same first-year classes at college this year, even though Hunter and I both graduated high school together three years ago, Lizzy only two years ago. Hunter used to always be rough, always get into trouble, and he didn’t seem to care about much, although he was a great friend. So, while I knew that he was a great guy, I wasn’t entirely sure what to think when he started dating Lizzy. But in the last couple of weeks, I’ve realized that they’re better when they’re together, they’re better for themselves and each other. I hadn’t seen him in almost three years, not since graduation, and a lot happened after that for both of us.

“Fine. Let’s go then.” I shrug. No matter what Lizzy thinks, this night is about her, not me. It’s her life that’s exciting, not mine, and I made peace with that a long time ago. I grab my jacket and pull it on, stepping out of my room, walking down the stairs. I’m not going to argue with Lizzy today. I’m not going to ruin her evening. When I reach the hallway, I find Hunter waiting there.

“Evening.” He grins, flashing me a smile.

“Evening, H.” I look him up and down—this guy cleans up pretty nicely if he wants to, even just in black jeans and a well-fitting button-up under his leather jacket. “I thought you were driving there on your own?”

“I am. Just making sure that you’re not staying behind.” He winks.

I roll my eyes at him just as Lizzy comes down the stairs after me. “I called in the cavalry.” She tries to hide the laughter in her voice. Of course she has. These two know me—they know me very well.

“It seems I wasn’t needed after all.” Hunter leans past me and gives Lizzy a quick kiss. “What about your parents?”

“They already left, wanted to make a night out of it.” Lizzy steps past me, pulling me along with her. “Now we just need to get to the workshop.”

Yeah. Yeah. I’m the one driving Lizzy, as usual.

I know that they do this because they want to involve me in things. They want me to ‘get out more’ and ‘meet new people’. This is a recent thing with them, but since they found each other, they seem to have made it their mission to get me to hang out with other people too. I know that they mean well, and I could fight them if I really didn’t want to come, but I guess that it’s not too bad. I guess they’re right in some way. I’ve just never been good at this—socialising, being friendly, making new friends.

I get in the car and Lizzy steps in on the other side. In front of the car, Hunter gets on his motorbike and kickstarts it, driving ahead of us a little, and then slows down as he waits. I start the car and follow him. The art show is being held at the workshop where Lizzy and Hunter regularly hang out. It’s called Winters’ Workshop and is owned by Tamara Winters, an artist who helps a lot of young artists to develop their art and gives them a safe place to work on their skills. She moved into a new building over the summer, and this show is meant to showcase the new location, and, of course, get fresh eyes on the work of her students. Which was bound to include both Lizzy and Hunter, since Tamara loves them so much.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

I know Lizzy is looking at me, but I keep my eyes on the road. “I’m good. Why?”

“You look... I don’t know, like this is hard for more than just not knowing what to wear. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m good. It’s just been a while since I’ve gone to one of these things.” Pretty sure that the last time I went to an art show was when I was still in high school, and the show included things from Hunter and some… friends. I’ve mostly been a homebody since I left high school, by choice. The last months before graduation were enough ‘excitement’ for me to last me the rest of my life. So I chose a quiet college, and I’ve been studying hard to get ahead here and finish college early. It meant that, apart from choosing not to search out exciting things, I’ve also not made many friends, and I definitely didn’t get invited to parties by my classmates. But I wanted it like that. Until I saw Lizzy and H together, that was the only thing I really wanted for the rest of my life—to have a calm and easygoing life, without any excitement at all.

“Well, you’ll enjoy yourself, don’t worry.” She touches my arm for a moment, then pulls back again. It’s interesting to see how much more confidence Lizzy has gained in the last couple of months. She’s nothing like the frightened girl who started college again in September. Even if the last months have been trying, she seems to be recovering from the relapse in her anorexia recovery so much better this time around. Which is good, and it hopefully means that she’ll now be able to control her eating disorder better than in the past. But it was still scary to watch it happen again, especially since it was so close to her last relapse.

Hunter turns onto the college parking lot, which is more than halfway filled with cars. I’m hoping that most of them are because of the art show. That would be a great turnout. Hunter gets off his motorbike and puts his helmet under his arm, waiting for us. He’s hot, with that bad-boy vibe and the bleached hair, even if he’s not my type. Hunter is my friend, closer to a brother than someone I would consider dating. But I can get the attraction. I can understand why Lizzy’s eyes shine each time she sees him. And I can definitely understand why so many girls on campus have a crush on him.

“Lizzy.” I grab her arm, stopping her before she can get out. “If you want to leave, let me know, yeah? But really, just focus on all the fun. This is your night, and you should go enjoy yourself.”

She looks at me like what I’m saying is the most obvious thing in the world, but for most of her life, Lizzy wouldn’t stay more than five minutes at one of these things even if her art was the main art on display. “I will. You too. Go have fun.” She grins and climbs out of the car.

I follow them a few steps behind as we make our way to the doors, then Hunter reaches out and hooks his arm through mine. “We can’t have one of the Benton twins all on her own.” He grins as he pulls me along.

Hunter and I used to be best friends, because we both understood what it was like for our lives to be defined by a sibling’s illness. We went to the same high school, which was a boarding school for academically and otherwise gifted children, and spent many a night talking because so few of our classmates understood what went on in our lives. Sadly enough, not long after graduating high school, Hunter lost his younger brother—his illness had progressed too much—and then, a year later, his girlfriend, also a friend of mine from high school, died in a motorbike crash. In comparison, I’ve been lucky. Lizzy is still here with me.

“Tsssk. Not like you cared about that before.” I grin, and Hunter winks.

“Back then, I wasn’t intimately involved with one of them.” His smirk turns into a wolfish grin.

I gasp, smacking his arm. “You’re bad.”

“If you think this is bad...” Lizzy pretend-whispers and we all burst out laughing.

And that is how we enter the hall of the workshop, all three of us laughing and having fun. We leave our coats at the doors, and I’m once again feeling very self-aware about my clothes, aware that I’m underdressed for an occasion like this.

Immediately, the woman who took care of this all, Tamara, comes over. “Lizzy! Hunter! Finally! I’ve got people asking about your art.” She points them towards a group of people who are standing near the dual portraits Lizzy and Hunter did of each other last semester, then she hooks her arm through mine. “So it seems that the final masters project next semester is coming along nicely. All the spots have been filled.”

Next semester I’m doing a cross-department project with other masters students for our final big assignment. We’re going to make a movie, from the writing to the design to the staging and filming. Everything, from start to finish. We’ve got people from fine arts involved, people from the drama department, a couple, like me, from the creative writing courses, and some from other courses that aren’t directly involved with creativity, but the people Tamara chose will have skills that we could use. It’s from scratch, so we’ll need a lot of different skills. Tamara asked me to join in on this after she heard from Lizzy that I’m a writer. Lizzy sometimes has no idea how to keep her mouth shut, especially not when it comes to Tamara, or, apparently, me.

“Are you looking forward to it yet?” Tamara’s eyes shine, her own excitement obvious.

I shrug. It’s not like there were many other choices here. No, that’s not true—it’s that there weren’t many choices that actually seemed interesting or would have helped me perfect my specific skillsets. “I guess.”

“It’ll be fun. The projects we did in previous years have always been a blast. I’m sure this one will be too. And a little cross-department working together has never hurt anyone.” She winks at me and looks around the room. “There is a difference between visual and literary arts. It’s not like there isn’t enough visual art, but I think being able to work with words, that’s a whole different skill. Making people feel things just by some squiggly lines on a white background, lines that turn into words and magic. You have a special skill—as special, or maybe even more special, than what you can see here.” She turns me to one of the paintings on the wall. “Start there and make your way around the room. That’s going to be the best experience.” She lets me go and walks off, greeting someone else.

I walk to the painting she pointed at. It’s interesting, made in oil paint, and I think there are pieces from magazines or something on it, but I’m no artist and no art critic, so it’s not easy to understand what’s going on. Honestly, this painting is a little too abstract for me. Then I move to the next one. I recognize the style of this one—Lizzy. It’s a painting she made during her recovery at the eating disorder center last semester. It looks innocent enough: leaves, forest, abstract figures. But I know that there is much more to the painting. It’s not easy to recognize it now, but somewhere in the leaves and other forest elements, in the play of the light, is Hunter, or at least some of his tattoos are hidden in there. I saw her work on this over time, building up the layers. It’s probably the most intricate thing she’s ever made.

I make my way around the room, looking at each painting, drawing, sculpture and everything else. Everything displayed here is beautiful and unique in its own way. Tamara really has an eye for finding young artists. She’s amazing at finding just the right people to put together in a single room so that they can be more from the association with the rest.

I sometimes wish I had a mentor like her, someone who could have helped me with my writing. I had some excellent teachers in high school, but that fell to the side when I left for college, and now... Now I write a little from time to time, but it’s not like it was before. It lacks so much of my passion. Which I guess is not really that strange. It’s not like I’ve been living with much passion anyway.

“Lola.” Lizzy comes over, wrapping her arms around me. “Come see. Come see.” She pulls me along, then stops in the middle of an empty area.

“What’s here?” I look around but don’t see anything interesting. Then there’s a soft click and the whirring of gears as they start clicking together, and lights start flowing around me, all different colors and shapes. Wow.

I look up. Above me is a contraption and in it is a light, and as the light comes through the different-colored pieces of glass, it gets refracted and leaves all the pretty colors on the floor.

That’s interesting. I hadn’t expected this. As I keep looking at the lights, words and shapes start to form in front of me.

“Am I seeing something?” I look up at Hunter, who grins.

“I hope so. Because otherwise, I didn’t do my job properly.” He shrugs and steps aside. Then another click and the lights dim. A whirring sound keeps going for a few moments longer before it stops. It’s quiet for a while. “I don’t keep it running constantly, keeps things interesting.” He looks at me, waiting for my opinion on what he made.

“It looks really cool. I’ve never seen anything like this before. But it’s kinda cliché, isn’t it? Love. Hearts. Stuff like that?” I look between him and Lizzy, who only smiles. She’s a lost cause, but I already knew that. It’s nice to see her happy. Hunter specializes in metal contraptions and big installations. I haven’t seen him do much with light before. That was the area of... of one of our other friends.

I leave them be for now. I don’t need to keep looking at them making googly eyes at each other. It’s nice that they’ve found each other, but it doesn’t mean that I like hanging out with them when they’re all over each other.

I turn around, looking around the room, trying to see if our parents are here yet. See what they think about all of this, see if they enjoy the first art show that Lizzy has been in in years. I can’t see them, but I do see something else from the corner of my eyes—or rather someone else. Someone I never expected to see again.

I stop.

I stop moving, talking, breathing.

Because he is here. Blaze is standing in the middle of the room. The one person from my past I’d hoped never to see again…

Next to me, H stops too. I feel his hand on my arm before he steps between us, blocking most of my view of B.

I feel a little light-headed as a darkness settles in my chest.

This can’t be happening. Definitely not. This cannot be happening.

What’s he doing here? Why is he looking so relaxed? Why?

It’s like a nightmare, one I want to wake up from, but never do.

Blaze turns to me, and even in the dim room, from this distance, I can see the recognition in his eyes. In the way he automatically moves a little in my direction.

How can this… I don’t want this. No.

My heart starts beating faster, and I can feel my dinner come back up. This was supposed to be about art, about H, about Lizzy, about the future. So why is my past standing there like it’s the most normal thing in the world? Did he even know I’d be here? I wouldn’t put it past him.

Then a beautiful and skinny girl walks up to him, and his arm snakes around her back, an automatic response, as she starts talking to him. She doesn’t seem to realize the look in his eyes, the way he’s not listening to her at all. Instead all his focus is our way. On me.

Then his eyes meet mine full on, and I come undone.

I can’t do this. I can’t be here.

I turn around and flee. Overwhelmed by my past. By the memories. By the feelings rushing through me. But more than everything, overwhelmed by the mix of desire and devastation that takes hold of my body. The darkness inside me is spreading, suffocating me like tar.

“Lola!” Lizzy follows me.

I don’t stop. I don’t slow down. I keep moving, ignoring everyone, until I’m outside and in the cool air. It’s way too cool, too cold, freezing, but that makes it all the better.

I have to stop, my lungs burning. I can’t move my feet one more step. I can’t. My shoulders start to shake as my lungs have trouble taking in all the air that I need, the tears unexpected and overwhelming. There is no stopping them. It’s still too raw.

Normally, I can ignore the pain. Normally, I can push it to the back of my mind and maybe pretend nothing ever happened. But this surprise wasn’t one that I’d ever planned for, and now it’s like the scab has been pulled from the wound. Underneath, the wound is still raw, never having healed at all, just scabbed over, just no longer bleeding.

Blood. I dry-heave, and then I feel hands on my back, wrapping around me.

“Oh, Lola.” Lizzy. She pulls me closer, protecting me, even though she is the only one here who has no clue what’s really going on. No clue how badly broken I am. My own twin doesn’t even know how much one boy hurt me. One boy who I never expected to see again, ever. We were teens, we didn’t know how to deal with one of the most devastating things any human can encounter. And in all of that, we hurt each other even more, until he left… And I fell into darkness.

Then H is next to us too. “You want me to send him away?” His voice is quiet but determined.

I shrug. I’ve got no idea. I’m scared of how much I want to see Blaze, touch him, hold him. And at the same time, I want to be as far away from him as possible. I don’t need all the memories to flood back. I don’t need everything to start all over again. I was doing so well… I was...

“Who is…” Lizzy speaks, then she pulls me tight again, her hold one of comfort and protection at the same time. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

I nod. She may not know the full story, but she knows enough to get why I’m in pain. Enough to understand why I’m breaking apart right now. I couldn’t tell her everything, but I told her enough.

Then she stills as H starts walking to a point behind us.

I know it’s Blaze before I hear his voice. “Lola? Lo?” Even hearing his voice shreds me to pieces, tears everything apart.

I take a deep breath, ignoring the tears in my eyes, standing up straight and walking away. Pretending not to hear him, pretending that he isn’t here. Even when every step is a fight.

“Lola?” He raises his voice now.

But I shake my head and keep walking.

I can’t do this. I can’t. There is no way.

Lizzy keeps holding my arm as I walk to my car, making sure I don’t trip and fall. I need to leave. Now.

Only when we’re at the car and I see H’s bike do I realize that he hasn’t followed us and that the keys for the car are in my jacket, which is still inside.

I hope Hunter doesn’t do something stupid. He’s been trying to prove that he’s changed, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t turn on a dime. I don’t want him to get in trouble for my sake. There’s been enough pain in our group of friends to last a lifetime. So much pain. Too much.

I silently sob, letting it all out as Lizzy holds me.

Chapter Two

Blaze

And she’s off again.

I want to go after her, but H is in the way and with every step I take he flexes his muscles. No matter how hard I try, I won’t get very far before he’ll be on me, again.

I’m not sure what to say or if I should even speak. I’m pretty sure that if I even look the wrong way my face will be meeting the pavement. H has always had a temper, and it doesn’t seem like that has gone away. It’s weirdly comforting to see him like this, the same as the last time I saw him. Memories of that final night clash with the reality going on around me.

I start simple. “Hi.”

H nods, glaring at me.

“Can I…” I move my hands.

“She doesn’t want to see you or speak to you.”

Well, that was pretty obvious from her behavior. But I need to see her, talk to her, one last time. I have to try.

“Why are you here?” He tightens his muscles.

Not because I’m stalking Lola, no matter what he thinks. “I saw that you had an exposition. I wanted to check it out. It’s your first since we were in the one right before graduation, right?”

H shrugs. “Nothing special. Not sure why you’d come all the way here for that.”

“I miss us working together. We used to make some great installations. Our constructions outshone everyone else’s, quite literally.” Hunter’s specialty is metal and mine is electronics and lights. We used to do magical things with sound, light, and movement. We were unbeatable, as friends and as the brains behind our art. We were, past tense.

He shrugs with one shoulder, but I can see he is somewhat relaxed now. Talking about art always did that to him. It was one way to get him to drop his guard.

“Maybe we can meet up this weekend? I’m here until Monday. You can even take your girlfriend.” I’ve missed my friend, and if everything goes well on Monday, I’ll be in need of friends, as I’ll be going to college here until summer.

“That’s Lola’s sister.” And he puffs up again, strung tight, ready to battle.

Oh. I search my brain, trying to come up with her name. I’ve seen her from a distance once or twice, but never actually met her. Lo liked to keep her friends and her family separate. “Lizzy?”

H nods.

“And she’s not your girlfriend?” They looked pretty cozy though, when I saw them earlier.

“She is.”

I almost let out a laugh, but stop myself. Yeah. That does make things a little more complicated. I’m pretty sure that Lola won’t want me to meet her sister, not now, not ever. Though that does beg the question. “No Tessa? Do you know what she does these days?”

We used to be inseparable, the four of us—me, Hunter, Lola, and Tessa. But after I walked out on Lola, I broke contact with everyone. I didn’t think they’d ever want to see me again, and they’d be right. But that’s not for today. Today I’m just trying to reconnect with an old friend, while I know that Lo is somewhere behind him, beautiful and devastated at the sight of me.

H’s breath catches, he deflates and stumbles as if he’s been hit. A flash of darkness crosses his face before he can pull himself together again. “She’s—she’s dead.” His voice is rough, like sandpaper, raw.

What? “Dead?” My voice is barely above a whisper. How?

“Motorbike crash. Just over a year ago.” He looks away, the pain in his eyes so raw, so scary.

Wow. Fuck. I don’t have any words. I open my mouth a few times before words start to come out. “I’m so sorry.” I reach into my pocket, not fully aware of what I’m doing, not wanting to believe what I just heard, and grab a card. “Call me. Let’s meet this weekend.” I stumble away, too stunned to know what else to do, my mind suddenly blank and at the same time filled with such loud static that I can’t think.

How do you deal with this? How do you deal with hearing one of your best friends during high school is no longer alive? How do you manage? How can she be the one who isn’t here anymore?

I leave H outside as I make my way back into the building. I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing. But I can’t face him right now, not after what he said, the way he looked.

Tessa. Gone. Out of everyone... Though I guess that I shouldn’t be too surprised—she was always reckless. Made even Hunter like her. Before he met her, he’d been a little hyperactive, but it wasn’t until you combined those two that stuff turned dangerous. But that was what made them so fun to have around. But now Tessa is gone. One of my best friends, gone. Away. No longer in this world.

“Blaze?” Kylie wraps her arm around me. “Have you seen this yet?” She starts pulling on my arm, but I shrug her off. “Hey.” She glares at me.

“Just. Not now.” I turn around. Why did I take her with me? Well, she asked, that was kind of enough at the time, and I didn’t want to be alone. I should have guessed that today would be the day that I run into the one girl I can’t have. The one girl I used to have but can’t have ever again. Because I messed up big time.

“Blaze.” A woman’s voice makes me look up. She sounds familiar, but I can’t quite place her. The woman holds out her hand. “Hey, good to see that you came. I’m Tamara.” Tamara, of course, the artist, the woman who invited me to join her masters project because of art I used to do with H.

“Blaze.” I shake her hand.

“You used to go to school with Hunter, right? Work together? What do you think of his art now?” She moves her arm to encompass a couple of the pieces. It was easy enough to recognize them, but I can also see the influence of other people in the things H has made.

“Interesting.”

The woman starts looking around. “Have you talked to him yet? I can’t see him anymore. He should be here somewhere, I just saw him.”

“I did. I found him.” If you can call what we did talking. I want to ask this woman about Tessa, but I’m not sure if she’d even know anything. And what would I ask anyway? How did she die? What happened? I can’t ask that, not here, not in this room with strangers.

“Good. It would be nice to know someone in the city if you join the project. Right? Makes making friends a lot easier. Enjoy yourself, I need to mingle.” And she’s off again. She’s a bit odd, but I like how enthusiastic she is, even if that can’t quite reach me right now. At any other time, it would have been amazing to meet her, to talk to her, but I’m not in a place like that right now.

Kylie starts pulling on my arm again. “I’ve seen enough, can we go now? Art bores me.”

Since H is gone, I don’t really have a reason to stay here, especially not since I feel so lost. I’m in no state to be around people. “Yeah, let’s go.” I pull her along to the exit, and as we’re getting our jackets, Lola’s parents come in through the doors.

Her mum’s eyes fall on me, a frown immediately forming. Fuck. I push past them. “Excuse me.” I don’t need another person to glare at me tonight.

“Let’s go out for some food, or go clubbing.” Kylie doesn’t seem to realize my dark mood. Then again, I didn’t choose her for her brains—which sounds awful, and it is, especially because it’s the truth. But seeing Lola... I’m not sure I can do this. There is just something about Lola, about Hunter’s words... It turns me back into the boy I used to be, a boy who had no eyes for anyone but one beautiful girl. And that boy is raw, that boy doesn’t know how to live, how to deal with the world.

“I’m gonna go back to the hotel.” I turn down the road.

“What? Are you serious?” Kylie follows me. “I thought we were here for some fun. Who pissed you off in the two seconds I didn’t keep my eyes on you?”

“Stop talking.” Why did I bring her? Why did I decide this was a good idea? Oh, yeah, because I get bored easily. And when I get bored... Well, I like to do fun stuff, usually with girls, to keep my mind off the things I don’t want to think about. And it’s worked for years, but not today.

Kylie makes big eyes at me, but keeps quiet as we walk back to the hotel.

I’m so done with today. “You can sleep on the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”

“What? You’re no fun. I thought the almighty sex-god Blaze was always all over girls, couldn’t wait to get them out of their clothes, no matter if they were in public or in private. But I knew you’d be a disappointment. I should never have believed the rumors.” She shakes her head. “You sleep in here. I didn’t want to sleep in this dump anyway.” She takes a look at her phone. “It’s early enough, I’ll call and have someone pick me up. It’s not like I don’t have enough guys who would kill to have me at their side tonight. Your loss.” She grabs her bags and drags them down the hallway. She turns around one last time. “Fuck you, Blaze!”

Well, that’s one thing she’ll never do. That’s for sure.

I slam the door closed and let myself drop onto the bed. Crap. How did this day go from me being all excited about going to the show to wanting to hide under a rock? What’s up with that? I thought I’d put this all behind me... at least somewhat.

But one moment of seeing Lola and everything starts to unravel.

I wait in front of the cafe, not daring to go inside just yet. I’m not convinced that Hunter won’t just punch me right in the face when he sees me, and I don’t want to make trouble right now.

But I also don’t know why he messaged me this morning. It’s not like I could have left this city overnight, no matter how badly I wanted, as I’ve got an appointment with Tamara on Monday about transferring to the college here for a semester. Only, for most of the night, I’ve been considering just canceling all of that. I know that the opportunity to work with Tamara is rare and too good to let slip, especially if I want to make connections with people in the art world. Tamara is known for only working with prodigies. But even then, I’m not sure how much being beaten up by Hunter or having to face Lola’s devastation is worth just that little bit I could get ahead of others.

When I look up, Lola is standing a couple of tables away from me, her eyes large as she slowly starts to move back. My breath catches in my chest, and I gasp. Fuck. Not ready. She looks like hell, like she hasn’t slept all night, and I’m not even surprised by it. It’s not like I got any sleep myself. And that knowledge rips into my heart, breaking it just a little further.

I try to step towards her, but she shakes her head and steps back again. Okay, so none of that. I want nothing more than to take her in my arms, pull close her familiar body. Hold her against me where she belongs. But I know that I can’t, I shouldn’t.

Comparing her to Kylie, comparing her to all the girls I had sex with since that fateful final night all those years ago... It’s easy to see why I chose those girls. It’s because they look nothing alike. It makes forgetting about Lola so much easier. It allows me to not think about the past. It lets me feel like there isn’t anything wrong with my life.

“Lo?” I don’t move, but everything in me wants to reach out to her.

“I can’t do this, B. I’m just waiting for my sister.” She walks past me, her beautiful azure eyes clouded.

“I’m sorry.” She doesn’t even know how sorry I am for messing up all those years ago, for upsetting her now.

“I have no reply to that. Please don’t talk.” She steps into the cafe, out of my sight again.

I look through the windows and watch her sit down in the back, as far away from the door, and me, as possible. Her movements are stiff, then she looks my way and I see her pain. Fuck. I don’t want to hurt her. Just seeing her again, I want her so badly. Last night in that skirt and top, and just now, when she took her jacket off... It’s confusing how I can get turned on and feel so much pain at the sight of her at the same time.

She doesn’t look away, her eyes locked to mine, and even over this distance I can see her lips form into thin lines and she squeezes her eyes shut, tears sliding down her cheeks. She shakes her head again, and I know, I already know.

I know this isn’t right. How can we ever overcome our past? I left her when she needed me most. I was stupid and I left. I hurt her and I won’t be able to make it better. It’s unforgivable, and at the same time, I don’t want anything but for her to forgive me. And I don’t even deserve it.

“B.” Hunter pulls me from my thoughts and I almost jump. I wasn’t paying attention.

“Okay, I’ll be with Lola inside. See you later.” Lola’s sister, Lizzy, pulls Hunter down a little, gives him a quick kiss and turns to me, glaring. “Fuck you.” And then she’s off, quickly locating and then joining her sister inside.

“Hi.” I’m not exactly sure what I expected to happen if I ever did get to talk to Hunter again. I just couldn’t leave him like that, not after what he told me.

“Hey.” He looks around. “Let’s go somewhere else.” His eyes fall on the girls inside, and I can’t help but look too. Lizzy is sitting with her arms around Lo, holding her tight.

“Yes, let’s.” I follow him down the block and we step into a small cafeteria, both ordering something to drink, and then we sit down at the back.

Hunter doesn’t waste any time. “What are you doing here?” Well, tact has never been one of his strong points.

“Looking at your exhibition.”

“Yes. And? You saw it, you’re still here.”

“You want me gone.”

“Yes.” He plays with the can in his hands. “You’re upsetting a lot of people by being here. Especially with a girl at your side.”

Lola. I’m upsetting Lola, which then upsets Lizzy and Hunter. “So what?” I’m not here for Lola, and I’m not going to show him how much her pain hurts me too.

“God. Do you have no brain at all? You forgot that Lola lives in the same city as me?” Hunter sighs.

Yes, I may have... “She’s always said that she’d move away for college, so why should I have to think about that?”

Hunter looks at me like I’m the worst person in the world. I don’t disagree. “Where is the girl who was with you yesterday?”

“No clue. She left me alone in the hotel last night.”

“Serves you right.”

“Maybe.” I lean back in my chair. “Why are you dating Lola’s sister? Isn’t that like... super weird?”

Hunter shrugs. “When I first met her I had no idea who she was. It took a while before I knew. At that point it didn’t matter anymore.”

“I thought you liked the more expressive and dangerous type. Not meek ones like her.” Of course, I want to hurt him with my words, hurt someone because I just don’t know what else to do. Maybe he’ll even hit me, that would probably be good.

“Hey. Don’t even go there.”

“What? You’re now the quiet and careful type?” I pointedly look at the motor helmet at his feet. “Are you wound around her little finger? On your knees, promising not to do anything dangerous?”

Hunter’s eyes darken and he breathes carefully, then he closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Fuck you. You have no right to lash out like that. That’s just... pathetic.” He stands up, grabbing his helmet and steps next to me. “But maybe that’s what you are. Pathetic. Like you’ve always been.” Then he walks out of the cafeteria, leaving me behind in shock.

He has no idea. For years I’ve tried to forget everything that happened in high school. Tried to leave it behind me so that I didn’t have to deal with all of this. I thought that I could patch things up with Hunter once I got here—maybe not become friends, but at least we wouldn’t have to be enemies.

But from the start, I’ve been doing everything wrong. I’ve been angering people, pissing them off. And it’s all my own fault. I squeeze the can in my hand, the sound and the pain of it not making anything any better. Why did I do this? Why did I come here? Did I really think things would be easy?

Maybe, maybe not. Maybe taking Kylie with me was just an excuse to show off that I’m not as broken as I actually am. If so, why am I not feeling any better? Why are things hurting this badly?

I stand up, also leaving the cafeteria. Then I look around. Do I want to stay here? Do I want to stay in this city with two people—well, three people by now—who hate my guts?

Chapter Three

Lola

The last week has been brutal, with essays to hand in, projects to finish and just a general freaked-out mood because of seeing Blaze not once but twice in a single weekend. I’m not sure how I finished everything, but at least it gave me something to focus on instead of diving into a depression. I guess that was an advantage.

But by now, I’ve slowly gotten back to myself. Lizzy and Hunter still look at me like I’m going to freak out at any moment. But they don’t know this side of me, this girl who had to help herself when she was left by her boyfriend.

There is no reason for me to not overcome it again, hopefully a little faster this time around. I don’t want to have to keep fighting depression for months, but I’m hoping that I won’t have to. It was just two meetings that I had to face him, and I survived both of them. Barely, and by the skin of my teeth, but I survived.

I grab my bag and go down the stairs. The house is quiet, my parents are already at work and Lizzy is either still at her own place or waiting in the car. I’m not exactly sure what her plan is today—she’s not allowed into the workshop right now because we’re taking it over with Tamara’s masters project for a couple of days. We’ll be moving into another building soon, but it apparently isn’t ready for another week.

As I approach the car, Lizzy is already sitting in it, and I can see her breath coming out in little clouds. I slide into the car and Lizzy glares at me.

“You could have been quicker,” she grumbles and wraps her arms around herself tighter.

“You could have come into the house.” I turn the car on and crank up the heating, hoping to at least warm us up a little. “So where are you going today?”

“Hunter is picking me up at the college. We’re going to his parents’ place to work.” She shivers.

“That sounds fun.” I look at her sideways. She looks really happy, and when she finds me staring at her, she raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing. Just glad to see you so happy.” I slowly drive down the street. I’m not exactly sure how much ice there is, and people aren’t that good at keeping the streets clean here.

“Well, I’d appreciate it if you could move to a different building soon with your project. The workshop will be much warmer than having to drive to Hunter’s parents’ place.” Lizzy looks out the window.

“You’re not going on his motorbike, right?” That wouldn’t be a good idea. It started snowing a couple of days ago.

“God, no. He’s got his car. Even he’s not that crazy.” She laughs as she shakes her head. “You don’t have to worry.”

Well, I do worry. I’m her sister, and it’s what I do. “Well, fine then. Will you need a ride back or is Hunter dropping you off at home?” I turn onto the main road and drive in the direction of the college. There aren’t a lot of people on the road right now—the snow keeps them away, but also, the morning traffic is already over.

“I think he’ll be dropping me off.”

“Okay.”

“So...” Lizzy looks my way. “Are you looking forward to Tamara’s class?”

“It’s not really a class, is it?”

“Her teaching style then?” Lizzy lets out a sigh, like I’m being purposefully dense, and maybe I am, a little.

“I guess. It’ll be a lot different from what I’m used to.” Taking mostly literature and creative writing classes means a lot of doing work on my own and not so much doing work as a group. So doing this huge group project with all the different disciplines will be different.

“I heard that Damon is also part of the project. He’s great. You’ve seen him at Tamara’s workshop before, he was also there way back when I first started going. He’s mostly into photography these days, but he’s also great with wood and design and such.” She sounds so excited for a project I’m doing and not her, way more excited than I am about.

“Well, I’ll keep that in mind.”

We drive in silence for a while, and I realize I’ve totally killed the mood. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I’m just not really in a good place now.”

“Because of Blaze?” Lizzy only says his name quietly, but it still hurts to hear it.

I nod, trying to keep my eyes on the road. I don’t want her to see my pain.

“Will you tell me what happened between you two?”

I shake my head. “I can’t. Not now.”

“Okay.” Lizzy looks up, her voice normal, like it’s just a simple request that I denied, not some huge part of my life I’m unwilling to talk about. “Can you drop me off at the corner here? That way Hunter doesn’t have to drive all the way onto campus.”

“Are you sure? What if he’s already there?”

She laughs. “Don’t worry. He’s not.”

“Okay.” I maneuver to the side of the road and stop the car.

Lizzy climbs out, smiling at me. “You just try to have fun at the project, okay? Get your mind off things. Go make something cool.”

“Thanks. You be safe and don’t get into too much trouble.” I look at her, but Lizzy just grins back. Those two. Like Lizzy and H aren’t troublemakers on their own sometimes, but they do the weirdest things when they’re together. At least they seem to stay safe, most of the time.

“Nah. Just gonna bend some metal today.” Her eyes shine. “See you this evening.”

“See you at dinner.”

Lizzy closes the door and waves at me as I pull out of the spot.

The drive to the part of the college where I need to be is only a short while now. I park at the back of the parking spaces, though many of the spots around here are already filled, probably by other people from Tamara’s project. The rest of the parking spaces are almost empty, but that’s understandable. It’s almost nine in the morning on a Monday—very few classes start this early. Though I guess, remembering Lizzy’s schedule from last semester, Tamara is one of those professors who actually chooses to have nine in the morning starts.

I get out of the warmth of the car, the freezing cold taking my breath away for a moment, and my breathing is visible in little clouds. It really is crazy cold right now. Bleh. I hope that H picks up Lizzy soon, that she’s not waiting there for long, because it’s too cold to stand still. I hope that the inside of the workshop is warmer. I shiver and start walking towards the building.

I nearly lose my footing twice as I slip and slide my way to the door. If I thought that our neighborhood was bad... This is even worse, and I have to really concentrate to make sure I don’t faceplant all over the place. But at least I’m not as cold when I reach the door. I quickly step inside and close the door behind me.

Voices come from the main room of the workshop, and jackets and wet shoes lie next to the door. I strip off my jacket, putting it on one of the rare empty hooks, but as I look down, I realize that I’m not taking my shoes off—they’re not too muddy or covered in snow and I don’t want to walk through the wetness in the hallway in my socks. Just, no.

I walk into the main room, looking at how much Tamara has cleaned it out from a week ago when the art show was in here. No big projects in the middle of the room anymore, though I suspect that there are quite a few things hidden behind the curtains at the far end, as the room is definitely not as spacious as it normally is.

When I look to the other side, towards the voices, I see a circle of chairs and many of them are already filled. I recognize some people who I’ve seen around college before, many of them from the same year as me, so I’ve shared mandatory classes with them.

Then one of the people in the group laughs loudly, a laugh I recognize deep in my bones, a laugh that I’d recognize anywhere. There, in the middle of a cluster of people, is B.

I automatically take a step back, my chest constricting and hurting. No. He can’t be here. No. I stumble back more and at that exact moment B looks up, finding me with his eyes, and I see the surprise in them too.

Fuck.

I reach behind me, grab the edge of the door and let myself back into the hallway. I sit down on the bench, all the energy leaving me. I can’t be in this project if B is here too. My breathing comes out in little gasps and I can feel the panic eat at the edges of my mind. No.

No, no, no.

The door to the outside opens, and when I look up, Tamara steps inside. She’s smiling until she sees me, then she comes over, her face serious. “Hey. Are you okay?”

I nod, but then shake my head. I don’t even know how to be okay right now.

Heavy footsteps from the main room reach us. Even the sound of his footsteps is still the same—the heavy boots slamming against the floor. Then they stop.

I look up, straight at him, and I see a pain in his eyes I don’t want to recognize, a pain I don’t want to know about.

“Lo.” His voice is soft, and I shake my head at him.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I’m going to have to leave. I’m sorry, Tamara.” I stand up, stumbling and then sitting down again. I’m dizzy, my body not working. The panic is still rushing through my body and it makes me unable to even function.

“Do you two know each other?” Tamara’s voice is careful.

“Yeah. We used to date.” B’s voice is distant.

We used to do so much more than just date. Calling it ‘dating’ takes away from all the pain we’ve been through. But maybe that’s just what it was for him. Just dating. Nothing else. I let out a silent sob and cover my mouth with my hands. He can’t see this. He can’t see how much he broke me.

“Right.” Tamara doesn’t sound convinced. “So how are we going this solve this problem then?”

“I’ll leave.” That’s the only thing I can do, right? What else is there to do for me? It’s not like I can stay.

“Wait. Why?” Tamara puts her hand on my shoulder.

“I can’t. Not with him.” I can’t be near him.

“Why not?” She sounds confused, and I guess that anyone who doesn’t know about our past would probably be confused.

I look up at B. We both know why not. We know why we can’t be in the same group, why this is a bad idea. He left me. I needed him, and he left and never looked back.

“I want you both in this group. I chose you because you’re great at what you do. I don’t want to lose either of you. But I also don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. How are we going to solve this?”

“I don’t know.” I don’t know if I can ever be comfortable when B is near. It hurts too much. Even the way he stands there, looking at me with his beautiful green eyes, his handsome face, his sexy body filled out in ways I could only imagine those years ago...

But he’s not mine. Not anymore. And he can never be. We hurt too much to ever be near each other again.

Chapter Four

Blaze

I can’t believe this. I’d accepted that I’d probably see Lola on campus. I knew we’d likely run into each other from time to time. But to know we’re on the same project, to know that we’ll be seeing each other nearly every day... Fuck.

And to see her in so much pain. I want to reach out. I want to make her feel better, but there’s just no way that I can ever do that. That’s over, no longer allowed, no longer accepted.

“We have different skills to bring to this project. We probably won’t have to see each other that often. Just during the group moments. We won’t even have to interact, right?” I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t want her to drop out of the project, but I also know that being part of this project will be the best for both of our careers. And I’m too much of an ass to give up on that chance. Even if it hurts her.

“Mostly, yes. You’ll be divided into groups based on your skills, so you won’t have to work together. At least not often.” Tamara nods, then her eyes fall on Lola. There’s something else, another reason why she looks so worried as she eyes Lola. But then I remember that Lola’s sister is dating Hunter and that they’re both part of Tamara’s artist group. So she probably knows more about the twins than she shows.

Lola looks at me again, her beautiful azure eyes filled with tears and already starting to go a little red. Fuck. I messed up badly, and it’s my own fault. There’s no going back, no matter how much I want her. But we both need this opportunity.

“Then I guess we could both stay. We don’t have to talk to each other.” I shrug. There’s only one way I know how to deal with this, this pain inside, this pain over seeing Lola hurting. Bravado. “No reason for either of us to leave.” I turn back to the main room and walk back to the group.

I can’t deal with looking at Lola’s pain anymore, the pain that I caused. It tears me apart inside. Not seeing her made ignoring this darkness inside easier. Made not thinking about our past so much easier. But now that I’ll be seeing her often... I may need to figure out new methods of dealing with it. And quick, because every second I spend with her makes another part of my world crumble down around me.

“Blaze!” One of the girls stands up, offering me her chair.

When I sit down in it, she makes herself comfortable on my lap. I almost wrap my arms around her, an automatic response, but then Tamara comes into the room, without Lola. She looks at me for a moment, at what I’m doing, and I defiantly wrap my arms around the girl anyway. I have no idea who she is, but she’s also part of this project and if Lola’s not coming, it doesn’t matter anyway. I can keep up this persona of who I am a little longer.

It’s sometimes a little too easy to lie to myself, but of course it matters that Tamara came in without Lola, of course it matters.

But what else am I supposed to do? I’m Blaze. I’m the guy who doesn’t date. The guy who’ll play with girls just a few times and then move on. I have the looks and the ability to pull this off, so I don’t see why I shouldn’t try to do it at this college just like I did at the previous one.

Well... Maybe that pain in my chest is why I shouldn’t.

“Okay, everyone.” Tamara stands in the circle, turning around, looking at all of us, her eyes lingering on me for a moment, the look in them disapproving. Even if Lola isn’t here, Tamara won’t make it easy on me either.

The project we’re going to be working on is exciting. The idea is that we’ll be making a long movie, or at least as long as we can get it with our skills and our time constraint. It’ll all be pretty low-budget, but we’ve got some good stage people and designers involved, and then there’s also a few people who can do special effects and other cool stuff. So all in all, this will be fun... I hope.

The morning is mostly spent trying to come up with ideas for the movie, creating groups of people with similar or complementary skills and getting to know each other a little better. I like the group that Tamara put together here. They’re very eclectic, and some people have much more experience in group projects than others.

But throughout it all, I wonder about Lola, if she’ll be back here or not. Did I really just stop her from joining this project? Did I really just stop her from finishing her degree?

I’m about to leave the room after the others and be done with the project for the day when Tamara calls out to me. “Blaze.”

I turn to her. Looking at the way she’s standing, staring back at me, I know I’m going to get lectured. “Yeah?”

“Lola will be back with us tomorrow. I would like it if you could refrain from agitating her while in class.”

“Agitating?”

She looks at me pointedly. Of course, the girl in my lap. Well, if that’s agitating someone... I don’t know if I can not do it. This is who I am, this is how I interact with people.

“It’s not like it matters much.” I shrug, about to walk off, but something makes me stand still.

“Do you really believe that?” Tamara’s eyes won’t leave my face. “Her sister picked her up today, together with Hunter. There is no way that you can make me believe that that doesn’t bother you.”

I’m pretty sure that doesn’t require a reply. She saw the way we reacted to each other.

“She’ll be back tomorrow. Make up your mind before then. Would make the whole project easier.” She turns her back to me and walks off. Obviously, I’m no longer important.

Make a choice? What type of choice can I make? There’s no way that Lola and I can ever become friends. Too much has happened for that. I scratch the scar on my arm, covered by my sleeve. Way too much has happened.

I make my way out of the building. There are still some people hanging around outside, but I ignore them and get to my car instead. How are we going to do this?

I climb into my car, but don’t start it yet. I sit there and let everything that happened today go through my head. I can’t keep getting all worked up every time I see Lola. I need a plan.

This is why I stopped dating. Just hookups. At least those girls know what they’re getting themselves into. Dating, girlfriends, those things bring expectations.

We all know what happens when people have expectations of me.

I flee. Like I fled from Lola.

I spend the night doing the one thing I know I shouldn’t do, the one thing that gets me into a shitload of trouble. I drink. I drown myself in booze.

Luckily, I went to the store and only brought a few cans of beer back with me. I don’t have anything else with alcohol in the house, so it’s not like I can drink myself into another black hole. But still, drinking isn’t something I do without my mind going places that I don’t like. Alcohol, the sharp taste of it. It reminds me of Lola each time I drink. It reminds me of the night that I left her.

At the end of the night, when I finish my final can, well buzzed but not so drunk that I’d do something really stupid, I pull my laptop on my lap and search Lola’s name. Lola Benton. There isn’t much about her out there on the web, a few mentions in school records and things like that. Sure, there are the social media profiles—she’s always had those—but they’re mostly empty. But I can’t seem to find anything else.

“Did you just disappear?” I realize I’m talking to myself. Did I make her disappear?

It wouldn’t be a surprise if I did. Like I broke so many other things. If I really put my mind to it, I could probably fix some of the problems that I made, if I planned to. But so many other things, like my relationship with Lola, won’t ever be fixed. That’s permanently broken, ruined. And I’m going to have to learn to live with that.

That’s basically the last I remember. I fall asleep soon after. And the next morning, the headache stops me from thinking too much, stops me from trying to remember too much. The only things I want are a shitload of coffee and some painkillers.

It takes me longer than normal to get ready, but that’s okay. I set my alarm too early anyway. I’d planned to get some work done on a new project. But this morning, I can use the time to become a little bit more human before stepping out the door. I don’t think people would appreciate me growling at them first thing in the morning.

After about a whole pot of coffee and some time for the painkillers to kick in, I’m finally ready to leave for the day. Though ready is a bit of an overstatement. I’m able to get out the door and not punch people in the face when they walk past me, which is an improvement over when I woke up.

Today I think I’m better off taking the bus instead of the car, as there is too much snow and I’m not sure I’m sober enough to drive. It will be annoying when I have to get back home, but I’m hoping that at least I’ll feel more human when I do have to get back. For now, this is the way that I’m least likely to get myself or someone else killed. Unless I run into Hunter, of course.

Why did I decide to stay yesterday? Why didn’t I just give up, let Lo do her own thing? I could have left. I could have walked away to never look back. It’s not like I haven’t done that before.

So why didn’t I?

When I walk into the workshop, some of the people from yesterday immediately come up to me, excited, chatting. I try to respond as best as I can, though I don’t know how much it works. They seem to have little sympathy for my hangover, laughing it off as some stupid thing students do. But they don’t know. They have no idea.

I can sense the moment that Lola walks into the room. It changes the air, and I have to force myself to look in a different direction, to keep talking to the people around me. The girls like my bad-boy image. They’ve seen my social media, seen the persona I portray there. The guys are the same, though instead of trying to get into my pants, usually, they’re hoping that being near me will get them into the girls’ pants. It’s always the same. So I don’t feel too bad about not remembering their names.

I’m just a status item to them, they’re just a crowd of people to me.

But as I focus on the class, as we’re split up into groups, things slow down and I realize how much I feel like crap. This must have been my worst drinking session in months, maybe even in over a year. I don’t usually drink—even when I go out, I barely drink anything. I do stupid things when I drink, really stupid things. My arm itches and I scratch at the skin.

“Blaze?” One of the other guys from our staging team looks at me, frowning. I think his name is Thomas, or something.

“Yeah?” He was talking, wasn’t he? Asking me something?

“What’s your specialty? I heard something from Tamara, but she didn’t know exactly either, since you don’t go to this college.” Everyone in the group now looks at me.

I shrug. “I make things with electronics, like lights and sounds. I can also do stuff with metal, but not as well as Hunter can. He’s got the artistic skill in that department. I’m just good enough to make things that don’t fall apart.”

“Hunter?” One of the other guys—Cole, I think—frowns. “Hunter Porter? You know him?”

The others in the group now look at me with curiosity and awe.

“Yeah. We went to the same high school. We used to be friends.” It’s not like that’s a secret.

“Friends? That guy doesn’t have friends.” Thomas lets out a laugh, and I suppress the urge to punch him. That would be bad, no matter how much I feel like it or how much sticking up for H is apparently still second nature to me.

A guy who hasn’t said anything yet, who doesn’t seem to share that same surprise about hearing H’s name, looks at me, his eyes serious, like he’s thinking. Then he blinks, shrugging. “If you have at least half his skill, then you’re going to be fine. I’m normally into photography, but I also do lights and things.” He stands up, holding out his hand. “Damon.”

I take his hand. “Blaze.” He’s got a firm grip, but the way he keeps looking, like he’s got something on his mind, makes me a little uncomfortable.

Tamara comes over to us with a whole stack of papers. “You’re going to have to talk to the writing group and the actors about the actual performance. But I’ve gotten us a couple of places where you can film. As soon as the story starts to take shape, you can go scout the locations and get things up and running. I know that we’re not in this room for too long, but we’ll be moving to our normal room at the end of this week or the start of next week.” She looks at each of us. “I assume that you can come up with who is doing what on your own, but I do want a list of tasks and responsibilities before the end of the week.” She smiles. “Good luck. I’m glad to have you all here. This is going to be amazing.”

I wish I had her confidence about that. Right now, I feel like everything will go down the drain soon enough, including my mood.

“Oh. And there will be a party in our new room in the art department at the end of the week. I know that everyone here comes from different departments and skills, and I want you all to get to know each other a little better in a less formal setting.” She grins. “I’ve found that having a party at the start of a large group project gets everyone on the same page. And since you’re not doing too much yet this week, I’ll be counting on you to set a couple of things up.”

A party... Sure. Sounds like an excuse to get everyone drunk and doing embarrassing things. Not sure how interested I’d be in that.

But the way Tamara looks at each of us before her eyes settle on me tells me that it’s no use arguing.

“Great. Going to be awesome.” I try to grin.