Scarred Cliff Collection 2

Her Undoing, Their Battle & Their Treasure

Skylar Heart

Scarred Cliff Collection 2

Copyright © 2021 SKYLAR HEART

Originally published as: Scarred Cliff Volume 2

Copyright © 2020 SKYLAR HEART

All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without express written permission of the copyright holder.

This book contains sexually explicit content which is suitable only for mature adults.

Cover Design by Easily Distracted Media

NUR: 343

Edition: 20211122

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Blurb

One day where everything falls apart, five lovers struggling to make sense of it all.

The anniversary of Poppy’s death was hard on them all, but no matter how hard she tried, Mia felt like she couldn’t stay at the coast, that her being there would only bring more pain to Mal, Dylan, Tom and even Jake. So, she flees again, back to the city, to her parents’ house, leaving the guys behind.

As the guys are struggling to find their feet, how they’re going to make things work when they’ve realised that they need each other, and they all need Mia, they come up with a plan. They’re going to create a place where Mia can come back to, where she can feel loved and accepted, something she desperately needs even though she has no idea how to ask for it.

But even as their relationships strengthen, the outside world is starting to seep into their little world, and just because they want something to happen, that doesn’t mean that the world is going to accept their unconventional setup.

Even after choosing love and being together, their fight has only just started.

These are the final three novellas (Her Undoing, Their Battle and Their Treasure) in the six-part long Scarred Cliff serial, a contemporary reverse harem #WhyChoose story. These novellas may include any of these elements: steamy scenes, ‘I need tissues NOW’ moments, cries of ‘why, oh, why’ and cliffhangers that make you bite your nails (and curse the author). This story includes MF and MM scenes.

Author note: This series deals with topics which can be hard for some people, like abuse by a partner and the fallout of the suicide of a side character (which happened in the past but plays an important part in this story).

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Her Undoing

Scarred Cliff 4

Chapter One

Dylan

I can’t believe Mia just left. Today of all days. Just... Walked out on us. After everything we went through today, it’s hard to believe and even harder to understand...

As the bus taking Mia away is driving off, Jake is holding onto Mal, both men looking devastated, gripping onto each other.

I can still see the bus go down the road. Every second, I expect it to stop and for Mia to step out, telling us that she didn’t mean to leave. But I also know that that isn’t going to happen... Somewhere, I already know that that isn’t going to happen. She’s really gone, she really left, again.

I step closer to Mal and wrap my arms around him too. The sobs wracking his body the worst I’ve felt in years, his breathing more like a wheezing.

Oh, fucking hell... Why? How?

I hide my face in Mal’s neck, maybe if I don’t look around, I’ll forget how I’m falling apart on the inside, how we’re all falling apart.

“Mia...” Mal’s voice is weak, almost a whine. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” That’s Jake, his arms around Mal tightening, but his voice is also rough.

When Mal and Jake reached the bus, and Mal pounded on the side of it, trying to get Mia’s attention, Jake had just stood there. His gaze like he somehow expected it but at the same time like he had hoped she wouldn’t do it, almost like he was disappointed in his own hopefulness that she would have stayed.

The rain starts up again, heavier now, and I know that we have to get inside, or we’ll all catch a cold on top of everything else.

“Come on.” I tug on Mal. “We need to get out of the rain.”

“I don’t want to.” Mal pulls his arm out of my hand, his voice going louder, rougher. “Why should I? What does it...” Then his eyes flit to Tom and Elly as he goes totally still, his eyes growing, and when I look at them, my heart drops.

Tom’s crying, but not just that, in his arms, Elly’s also crying, looking so confused, so sad. Oh, fuck.

We all move at the same time, Jake taking Elly in his arms, holding the girl close, as Mal and I wrap our arms around our friend. Fuck. No. I don’t often see him like this, this lost and broken, the last time I saw him like this was the day of Poppy’s funeral...

“Let’s get to the house.” Jake’s voice is quiet. “Out of the rain. And maybe it’ll make more sense.”

I nod, and this time Mal moves with me as we try to guide Tom up the muddy path.

Like it wasn’t bad enough that it’s the day we lost Poppy, or just the total pain we’re all under, but why did Mia have to leave too? Why now? Why today?

When we reached Mia’s grandma’s house, things didn’t make much more sense than before. Mia had left a note on the kitchen table, saying that Jake and Mal could stay here for a while, and that she’d be back with her parents in a couple of weeks, that they were going to sell the house. But nothing more than that, no explanation of why she left, just that Jake and Mal could stay here...

I give Mal a soft kiss on the side of his head. He’s on the bed in the back room, together with Elly. They’re curled up tightly together, their bodies sometimes shuddering from a cry. I wish I could help, but right now, I can’t do anything for them, not when I don’t know what to do myself.

Then I carefully get up and close the door to the back room behind me before I go to the kitchen. Jake is making coffee, again, and Tom is sitting at the table, his head in his hands, his whole stance stiff.

I want to wrap my arms around him, but I’m not sure that it’s a good idea right now, so I sit down in the chair next to him instead.

Tom fell apart, he really fell apart when we got back to the house, like all his energy had left him or something. And now he’s locked inside his own head, which can take a while to get out of.

“Coffee or tea?” Jake’s voice is quiet, and when I look up at him, his eyes are also full of pain, but he’s keeping himself strong, he’s trying to not fall apart like the rest of us. He’s looking after us before he lets himself express his own pain.

“Coffee, thanks.” I swallow hard, and then something breaks inside me and a sob escapes from my lips. I don’t even know where it comes from, how it was this close, but it’s there, making it hard to breathe and the tears make it hard to see. I was able to hold up so well, until now.

Tom’s arm comes around my shoulder and he pulls me close to him, holding onto me tightly, and I grab hold of him. “I know,” Tom whispers and my heart hurts even more.

No. Just, no. I can’t believe she’s gone. That she would just leave without telling us.

“I don’t...” I force the words out, but nothing more comes. I don’t want this to happen. I don’t want her to be gone. I don’t want to be here anymore, I want to go back to last weekend. I want to go back to that happy place, not this big mess.

I thought things were going okay today, that we could do this, that maybe we could survive today and tomorrow, but now I’m not so sure anymore. Now I’m not so sure that things will be okay, at least, not for all of us together anymore.

If Mia isn’t here, then Jake will leave too, and then it will just be the three of us again, maybe. But even the chance of that happening is getting slimmer and slimmer.

Mal has changed these last couple of days, something is different about him. He won’t accept to stay on the sidelines anymore, he will want his own life, he will want something, from me, from Jake, from the person he decides to be with. And I’m not sure I can give him that.

I’m not sure I’m even the same person I was almost two weeks ago. Having Mia here, going through all of these problems, these emotions. It made me remember that I had plans, I used to have plans for my future. I wanted to do things, go places, and my life has been on hold for far too long.

And Tom... I’ve not seen him as lively in years as I’ve seen him this last week. He seemed to finally be able to see a future for himself, for him and Elly, and now that’s falling apart.

We’ve all changed, and I don’t know who we’ll become, if we can still stay here, stay here together.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Jake is suddenly next to us, and his arm around me is steady, strong. “I’m not leaving.” He’s quiet for a while. “And Mia will come back. I know that she will. She can’t...”

But we all know that she can stay away from here. She’s done it before. The question is how long she’ll stay away this time. And with her track record, that could take years, decades. Elly could be a teenager by the time she returns.

Though, somewhere, I’ve got the feeling that it won’t take that long this time. Somewhere, I’ve got the feeling that things are different this time. I just don’t know how different, or if I’ll like it.

I don’t like not knowing...

Chapter Two

Mal

I can’t believe Mia is gone. I can’t believe that she would step on that bus and just leave us alone here, just walk out on us without looking back.

When I finally found her on that bus, when I could look at her, there were tears streaming down her cheeks. I didn’t feel like she wanted to do this either, like she was as pained by it as I was. But she still did it, she still left, and I don’t know why. Why did she believe that things would be better if she wasn’t here? How could she just leave? I thought we were finally getting through to her, so what changed?

“Mal.” Elly’s voice is quiet as she sits up, giving me a sloppy kiss on my cheek and I try to smile at her. “Kisses make the pain go away.”

“Thank you.” I touch her cheek softly, and the look in her eyes reminds me so much of Poppy that my tears start all over again. I don’t want to feel this pain, any of this pain, and the hangover of hell from my stupid drinking last night doesn’t really help either.

Poppy is gone, and now Mia is gone too, leaving me all alone again, leaving me without them all over again, just when I was getting used to not being alone anymore.

The door to the back room quietly opens and Tom steps inside, his eyes guarded and I don’t know what to say to him. Anything I’m feeling must be just as bad for him, or potentially even worse. How I wish I could stop his pain, but mine is already overwhelming me and I don’t know if I can help someone else when I’m like this.

He comes over, sitting on the edge of the bed, and Elly climbs on his lap.

“What’s going to happen?” My throat is all scratchy.

He slowly shakes his head. “I don’t know. I think we’re all too stunned.”

“We should...” We should go after her. We should get her back. Drive to the city and just make her come with us, because that’s better for all of us. She belongs here, at our side.

“I don’t think that’s going to work.” Tom puts his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t think we can change her mind just by showing up.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how to get her back, but I feel that if we go after her right now, it won’t work. She’ll just keep running.”

I nod slowly. I already know that. If it was that easy, she wouldn’t have left. If it was that easy, she would still be with us now. If it was that easy, we wouldn’t be this broken, all of us. “Then, what?”

“I don’t know.” He squeezes my shoulder a little, his voice soft. “But I was thinking that it would be a good idea for all of us to eat something.”

I start to shake my head, but stop when I see the intense look in his eyes. I’ll only make him worry more by staying here. “Okay. I’ll get up.”

“Thanks. I’ll see what we’ve got to eat.” He stands up, taking Elly with him, who is still quiet, quieter than she normally is on this day. But I guess that all of us breaking down is probably scaring her... Poor girl. She may not understand all that’s going on, but she definitely understands that we’re all upset because Mia left, and that upsets her too.

After Tom and Elly have left the room, I sit up, my head hurting, and I’m not sure if it’s because of the hangover or from crying so much.

I don’t know why, but suddenly Poppy’s face pops in my head, the way she looked when she opened the door to let me in for dinner that day. She’d looked... not in pain, but she’d definitely looked different from normal, darker, something empty in her gaze. What went through her head when she decided to ‘go for a walk’ that night and jump off the cliff?

I wish I could reach out to her, talk to her one last time, ask her why she did it. Because every year, every time we go through these days, I get more confused about her. She was my twin sister, we were so close as kids, but as time went on, as that darkness started to settle behind her eyes, I understood her less and less.

Maybe I never understood her at all.

Maybe I never understood Mia either. Maybe this last week was her way of telling us ‘goodbye’ before she went on with her life, before she really turned her back on us. Not dead, but still gone.

I can’t...

I can’t...

I can’t breathe...

“Mal.” Dylan’s voice has an edge of panic to it as he pulls me against him. “Come on, please. Breathe. Mal.”

I tighten my hands in his shirt, never letting him go again. I can’t lose them. I can’t lose any more people. I’m done with losing the people I love. I’m so done with it. “I love you.” I can’t lose him. I can’t lose any of them.

Dylan’s hands on me stop for a moment, then he pulls me against him tighter. “I love you too.” He kisses the top of my head. “Which is why I’d like for you to keep breathing.” He nuzzles my hair and I almost smile, the affection childish somehow, like what he’d do to Elly, not to a grown man like me.

“I’m scared.”

“I know. Me too.” He moves, and suddenly he’s with his back against the wall and he’s pulled me half on his lap. “I don’t know where things will go from here on out. But I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either...” But even as I say the words, I know they’re not the whole truth, not anymore.

“Things will never go back to the way they were, will they?” His voice doesn’t sound sad, but there is something in it that I don’t want to linger on too long.

I slowly shake my head. “No.” Not after the week with Mia, or those days with Jake. Everything has changed.

“I understand.” He takes a slow breath. “I don’t think that I can go back either. Not now that I know that it can be different.” He holds me so I can’t look up at him. “Am I crazy for not wanting to go home, but wishing we could all stay here? All of us together?”

“Even with Jake?”

“Even with Jake. With you, and Tom, and Elly, and if she comes back, with Mia. All of us. Does that make me crazy?” His voice is careful and my heart fills with an emotion that’s too strong to put into words, but I shake my head as much as I can.

No. He’s not crazy. These last two weeks, last weekend, I felt the most welcome, the most loved, the most in my element, as I’ve felt in years. Maybe the last time I felt that connected to people was the last summer Mia was here. When we’re all together, I feel like I belong. I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be. No matter how crazy that sounds.

I poke at the pasta on my plate, my eyes darting to the clock in the kitchen and Dylan’s gaze darkens every time he catches it happening. It’s seven in the evening. Three years ago, we were having dinner at the exact same time. Back then, we had stew, this time, we’re having pasta with some bolognese sauce. But I’m not hungry, I just can’t swallow anything down.

“I’m sorry.” I get up, grabbing my jacket and I slip out the door. The cold air almost freezes my lungs as I take a deep breath, but I had to get out of there. I had to get away from all the looks, from everyone looking at me.

I light a cigarette and sit down on the bench out back. I can hear the voices inside, talking quietly, but I can’t hear what they’re saying. I let my head drop back against the wall, closing my eyes as tears slide down my cheeks.

How I wish that what Dylan said could come true. How I wish that we could all just stay here, all live together, never having to worry where someone is, always knowing that we’ve got a place to call home, a place where we’re loved and welcome. But this is reality, not some fantasy world.

The door opens and voices spill out into the evening air, then it closes again. Footsteps come over, stopping in front of me, and then the cigarette is jolted slightly in my mouth.

When I open my eyes, Jake is lighting his cigarette with the end of mine, giving me a smirk as he catches me watching.

Then he stands up straight again and looks out over the vegetable garden, taking a couple of drags of his cigarette, the orange light casting shadows over his face, before he says anything. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here.”

“But your work--” No, that’s not what I want to know. “How long?”

He takes another slow drag, before turning to me, keeping my gaze. “Until I’m no longer welcome.”

My vision is clouded by tears, but I nod, taking a drag of my own cigarette. “I wish you could stay forever.”

“I’ll try.” He comes closer and then sits down on the bench next to me. “I don’t know how long it will be, but I’m going to try to stay as long as possible.”

I reach out and take his hand in mine, weaving our fingers together, holding him, because I don’t know what I can tell him. This feeling I have for him, it may not be love, maybe not yet, but it’s definitely a feeling I can’t ignore.

And it’s telling me that I want him to stay, just like Dylan, and Tom and Elly, just like I want Mia to join us. I want all of us to stay together.

Chapter Three

Mia

My old room is still the same as it has always been, though a little more dusty and slightly stuffy, since nobody has come in here for months, if not longer... The same shelves, the same desk, the same bed, it’s all exactly as I remember it.

I’m lying in bed, my covers pulled up as high as I can without suffocating myself. I don’t know what Mum and Dad thought about me being such a mess when I came here, but they didn’t ask me much during dinner, probably thinking that I’m still upset over Noah or something. They can be pretty hands-off most of the time, as long as I do what they expect from me, and Noah was never that high on their ‘people they like’ list. Which... I guess they were right in their distrust of him.

I’ve left my phone in my bag, not wanting to have to see everyone’s messages. It put it there as soon as the bus left, because I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t let their messages tempt me back. I had to do this. I had to go through with it, no matter what. I had to stay strong.

Every time my mind wanders off to the look in Mal’s eyes as he was pounding his fists on the window, or the look in Jake’s eyes, my heart breaks all over again and the sobs won’t stop.

This hurts too much, way too much, but it’s nothing in comparison to the pain I would have caused if I’d stayed there any longer. The pain will pass, it will be painful now, but it will pass, someday. Not today, but someday.

I sit up, reaching under the bed, to the box in the back, the box I tried to keep away from me as much as possible, even though I could never part with it, even though I could never let go of it.

I carefully take the dusty cover off and put it to the side. Inside are pictures and other items, all things from the summers at Grandma, all things I saved, all things that have gotten me through some really rough times. Good memories, happy memories.

The first item I pick up is a picture of all five of us together, Dylan, Tom, Mal, Poppy and me. I must have been around twelve or something, I was still in that gangly phase of someone who hasn’t fully filled out their new sized body yet. Mal had just started to bleach his short hair, which had inspired Poppy to dye hers pink, and I hadn’t wanted to stay behind. So I had blue streaks in my hair, though not as obvious as the other two, as I hadn’t bleached my hair first. My school would not have appreciated me showing up with weird hair, and my parents would have freaked out too. Even though I was going through my growth spurt, Dylan and Tom were much taller than Poppy, Mal and me, even though they were just a few years older than us.

It was taken at the end of the summer, on the beach, in front of the big cliff. We’re all heavily tanned and in our bathing suits. We look ready to dive into the water, and we probably did after Grandma finally took a pic she liked. We were so carefree.

I put my hand over my mouth as I try to stop the sob that escapes me. We were so happy, that was such an easier time.

And now Poppy is gone, and I’ve left the others to themselves...

No. I can’t go there.

I put the picture back in the box, ready to put it back under the bed, when something else catches my eye. I push a couple of pictures and other items aside to find a picture that makes me gasp, my head spinning. I had no idea this was in there, I had no idea that it was in this box.

It’s the picture from right after Oliver was born. It’s of me in the hospital bed, Oliver in my arms, and Jake is at my side, looking at the both of us. I’m looking down at Oliver, exhausted, but also so happy to finally hold him. But what I never realised before is the look in Jake’s eyes, the loving way he looks at me. I always thought that he was just protective, that he was just there because we were friends, always there to witness my lowest of the low moments, but that look... Have I been misjudging him all along? Have I always been so blind?

Have I made another big mistake?

Before I finally fell asleep last night, I sent Jake a message, telling him that I got home safely, even showing him a picture of my room, how it was still the same as always.

There was so much more that I wanted to tell him, but I knew that if I started, I wouldn’t stop, and I can’t do that to him, I can’t do that to any of them. I’d gotten messages from everyone, but I purposefully didn’t open any of them, because I didn’t want to hurt even more. I didn’t want even more pain inside.

I’m sitting at the table in the kitchen, it’s Friday morning and Mum and Dad are already off to work, they let me sleep in, and now I’m staring at the table as I’m boiling some water for tea.

What am I supposed to be doing today? What am I going to do now?

Today is the anniversary of Poppy’s death and I don’t know how to deal with that. I’ve never been this aware of the exact day that she died. The day that she left this world for good.

I want to call Jake, as I usually would do, or Mal, or Dylan, or Tom, just reach out to them, hear their voices, calm myself down. How did I get so used to having them around in just ten days?

Being alone right now feels even worse than it did eight years ago. Especially now I know what it feels like to have them around all the time, what it feels like to live with them, what it feels like to be with them, even in just a ‘friendship’ sense. This darkness, this empty hole is worse than it has ever been.

But I can’t go back, not unless I find a way to stop hurting them. Not unless I find a way to not ruin their lives, over and over again, just by being there. And since I can’t change myself like that, I can’t change into a totally different person, it’s better if I forget about them again. It’s better if I stop thinking about them, not reach out, ignore them.

It’s a better idea to do something, to keep myself busy, like starting to look for a job again, now that I’m back in the city. My parents think that I’ve still got my job at the bookstore, but that’s a lie. So I’ll have to find another place to work. Preferably soon, as I can’t keep living here and I’ve already dipped into my savings account too much. I need to have money coming in, stat.

I get up from the table, ready to get back to my room and grab my laptop, when my head starts to spin and my legs nearly give out from under me. I grab the table and slowly lower myself to the floor.

See! I’m a mess. A huge mess. I can’t even make sure that I eat enough to not faint from lack of sugar, or maybe from exhaustion... Exhaustion because I’ve mostly cried all night, barely getting any sleep.

I wish I wasn’t here on my own. But there’s no use regretting it now. I chose this myself. I chose it because it’s better than what I could be doing.

I can’t hurt them any more than I already have. So it’s better that I get myself out of the equation of their lives and live my own life, away from people that I hurt, away from the people I only bring pain to. It’s better for everyone.

When I finally feel good enough to get up, I slowly walk to my room and grab my bag, first taking out my phone. I don’t mean to take a look at the screen, not wanting to see messages that could make this pain even worse, but then I see a message I didn’t expect. It’s from Jennifer, Oliver’s mum, the one he lives with, the one who raises him.

‘I just wanted to confirm that all five of us are still having dinner tomorrow. I couldn’t get a hold of you or Jake this week, just wanting to make sure. Oliver is looking forward to giving you his birthday present.’

The sound escaping me isn’t a sob, it’s much more painful than that. I’d totally forgotten that we were all supposed to have dinner tomorrow, since it’s our monthly meetup with Oliver, and we always love to do presents for birthdays. Oliver is really into those things, which is kind of fun and sweet, but it also means that I’ll either have to see Jake tomorrow, or I’ll have to bow out, bow out of my own birthday celebration...

No. I can’t disappoint Oliver like that. I can’t.

‘I’ll be there. See you tomorrow.’

Chapter Four

Tom

I don’t think any of us slept last night, apart from maybe Elly, but that was probably more out of exhaustion than anything else. We’ve mostly sat in the living room, sometimes talking, but mostly quiet and with our own thoughts. I have no idea how time even passed.

At one point, Mal came over with a blanket and put it over me, saying something about the house getting cold at night, but that’s about all I can remember of the last hours. It was like time stood still but also moving ahead in big jumps, it felt really odd.

I check the time on my phone, eight in the morning. And I almost let out a curse, catching myself just in time. We’re supposed to meet Mal and Poppy’s parents in an hour, but I don’t think that I can do it. I don’t think I can do that today, I feel too raw.

Poppy isn’t here. She’s... She’s gone. Some days I almost forget about it. Some days I nearly believe that she could come into the room at any moment, that she could just show up, even though she’s been gone for years. It’s just weird how my brain keeps refusing to accept it, thinking that she’ll show up again, somehow.

But she’s gone. She’s been gone for years, and I’ll have to keep on living, keep raising Elly on my own, for many more years to come. I’m still here. How is that fair? How is that even possible? How will I manage, when I can’t even get up from the couch right now? When some days I feel like I can’t get out of bed, even though I manage it every time, for Elly, for our daughter.

Mia leaving yesterday hit me harder than it should have, than I expected it would. She was never going to be mine, I was always going to be a friend, never her lover, so I shouldn’t feel like this.

I’ve had my chance. I’ve had my little family. I’ve had all of that. My time of fluffy love and unlimited happiness is behind me, now I need to live for Elly. Now I need to make sure she grows up well, that she’ll have a childhood as happy as I can make it, and that goes before anything else. That goes before anything I would like in my own life, because Elly’s the most important person in my world.

She has to be my main focus, even when I selfishly want Mia to come back, even when I selfishly want her at my side, even when I selfishly don’t want to have to live without her, like I have to live without Poppy. I don’t want to have to say goodbye again. I don’t want to have to let go of another person, not now, not yet. Never again...

I push myself off the couch. I need to start the day, no matter how much I dislike it, I have to. I have to keep living, one day at a time, and if that’s too hard, just one minute at a time. One, then the next, then the next, until all the minutes turn into hours and days, keeping me going.

Mal is still asleep in the chair, sitting all strangely, with his head to the side. It makes me wince, because he’s going to wake up with a wicked neck pain like that, but I let him sleep.

Instead, I go over to the kitchen, where I find Jake. He looks like a mess. His hair is sticking out at odd angles from running his fingers through it, his eyes are red and he’s got a notepad with a lot of scribbles on it next to him.

“Morning.” My voice is rough, and I clear my throat.

Jake jolts before he looks up to me. “Morning.” He nods to the coffee maker. “There’s coffee, I think. I made some earlier.”

I go over to the counter, opening the cupboard to grab a mug, before I look at the coffee maker, only to realise it’s empty. “When, exactly?”

“About an hour or two ago?” He sounds distracted and I grab the pot, pouring water in it to refill the machine. “Did it get all boiled down?”

When I look back at him, he’s looking confused at my actions. “It was empty. You must have drunk all of it.” If he’s had the whole pot in just two hours, I don’t want to imagine the caffeine buzz he’s on right now.

“Oh.” He blinks, pulling a face. “I guess that explains a few things.” He drops his pen and stretches his hand before rolling his shoulders.

I finish setting up the machine and then sit down at the table, trying to glance at Jake’s notes. His handwriting when he’s writing shopping lists and things for us is hard enough to decipher under normal circumstances, let alone these scribbles when he’s running on little sleep and too much coffee. There’s just too much on the page, all scrawled over another. I can’t make much sense of it. “Working on something interesting?”

He shakes his head, turning the page over. “No. Just thinking a couple of things over. Work, finances, those things.” Why is he looking so uncomfortable suddenly? Avoiding my eyes, tapping his fingers to the underside of the table, his shoulders tense.

“Worried that you can’t keep living in your studio after you finish your research?” I have no idea how those things work. Will he have a job after he finishes? Will he have to move out of the place he’s in right now? Life in the city is expensive, really expensive, so I can understand worrying about having to move.

He slowly shakes his head. “No... Just... Just a couple of ideas I was working on.” He shrugs, but still won’t look my way.

“Ideas, like?” His evasiveness is starting to look suspicious.

Looking down to his laptop, he takes a deep breath and balls his hands into fists on the table, like he’s ready to fight for some reason. “I’m thinking of buying this place.”

“What?” I stare at him, not sure I’m hearing him right. “Why?” Why would he do that?

When he looks up to me, his eyes are filled with tears and I don’t even need to hear his words to know what he’s about to say. “So Mia has a place to return to. So Mal and Dylan have a place to live that isn’t a van or their parents’ garage. So this house won’t go to some stranger.”

“You can pay for that?” I didn’t think he had that much money.

“I can try. But getting a mortgage on this place and living in the city for work... It’s expensive. I keep trying to find a way to make it happen, but I can’t seem to make the money work out.” He lets out a frustrated sound.

Then two things occur to me at the same time. One, he wants to buy this place so a stranger can’t buy it, he wants to protect it, and two, he’s not counting on living here himself, he just wants to do it for Mia and Mal and Dylan, not for himself. While he said that he’ll stay here as long as he feels like he needs to, he’s not expecting to stay here for very long, he doesn’t see this as a permanent place to live for him, and that hurts.

Just thinking about the things he’s doing for us, the ways he’s helping us out, the ways in which he fits in with us, it hurts to see him write himself off, how he seems to accept that he’ll have to leave at some point, and he’s already preparing for it. How can he stay so calm, talking about buying this house and then letting the girl he loves live here with other people?

I realise he’s still talking, his voice getting more and more grumbly, but somehow also calm and collected. “Even if we can keep the costs of the repairs low, it’s still going to be too much for me to cover.”

“I’ll buy it.” I don’t even know where the words are coming from, but I know that I’ll do it, for him, for all of us.

Because there’s one thing he’s right about, we can’t let this place go to anyone else. We have too many memories of it, and I’d much rather live in it myself than seeing someone I don’t know live in this beautiful, though slightly run-down, house.

“You’ve already got a house. How would you even finance it?” He’s the one blinking at me now.

“I’ll sell the other house. It’s smaller, but in a much better state, so I can probably get more than enough to cover the cost of this house and pay for repairs.” Even though it feels strange to talk of selling the house that Poppy and I worked so hard on, but we only bought it because we love these type of houses and we couldn’t buy this place, because Mia’s grandma still lived in it. So we bought the next best thing, the house next to it.

“No.” Jake shakes his head resolutely. “No. You’re not doing that. You’re not selling the house you shared with Poppy just to buy this place.” He stands up, going over to the window which looks out over the front garden. You can almost see my house from here, just the front of it, through the trees. “You can’t.” His voice is softer now. “That would be wrong. It would be wrong to make you do that, to make you give up something that’s so important to you.”

He doesn’t seem to understand that the house is just a house, not a home, not when it isn’t filled with the people you love. “Jake.” I stand up, but he stops me with a glare.

“No. I can’t let you do that.”

Then his phone beeps and the screen lights up. I can’t help myself as I glance at it and the message on the screen gives me a strange feeling. ‘Are you still in for the birthday dinner tomorrow? Just need to confirm so I know how many people I need to reserve for. Please let me know soon.’

Jake grabs his phone, but when he reads the message, he pales a little and sits down in his chair again, dropping the phone and staring off into nothing.

“Jake?” I try to get his attention, a little confused about why he reacts like this. “Who is that from?” I didn’t catch a name, too distracted by the text.

“Oliver’s mum. I’m supposed to be having dinner with Oliver, his parents and Mia tomorrow. We’re celebrating Mia’s birthday, since Oliver doesn’t get to celebrate it on the normal day usually, and he loves birthdays.” His voice sounds like it comes from far and my heart beats fast.

He’ll be seeing Mia tomorrow! He can talk to her! He can convince her to come back!

But he doesn’t seem to have that same confidence as I have. “I should cancel. I don’t want to ruin her happy day, I don’t want to ruin the mood.”

“No.” I shake my head. “You have to go. For Oliver. And for Mia. Talk to her, make sure she’s okay.”

But with the way he’s staring off, I don’t know if I’m getting through to him.

I have no idea why the dinner seems to scare him so much, or why seeing Mia seems to push him off-balance, but he has to go, because it’s the only way to know that she’s okay, it’s the only way to keep in contact with her.