Second Chance Mates Collection 1

AN OMEGAVERSE MATES WORLD ROMANCE

ROSA SWANN

Second Chance Mates Collection 1

An Omegaverse Mates World Romance

2nd edition

Copyright © 2024 Rosa Swann

Copyright © Easily Distracted Media

Originally published as: Second Chance Mates Box 1 and Second Chance Mates Volume 1

Copyright © 2017 Rosa Swann

All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without express written permission of the copyright holder.

This book contains sexually explicit content which is suitable only for mature adults.

Cover Design by Easily Distracted Media

ISBN: 9789493139480

NUR: 343

Version: 20240514

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Blurb

What would you do if your estranged Alpha died, leaving behind an Omega and child with no one to care for them?

Wilder

Ten years ago, Logan left me.

He told me that two Alphas cannot be together, that our mating wasn’t real.

Yesterday, my sister called and told me that Logan passed away.

That he’s leaving behind an Omega and a young child.

Today, I’m at Logan’s funeral.

Trying to stay out of sight, I notice how Logan’s family treats his Omega.

Why am I the only one willing to help them?

Sterling

Logan and I had everything we ever wanted.

A lovely cottage, a beautiful daughter and lots of big dreams.

Then he was ripped away from us in a car crash.

Now, Logan’s family is about to leave me to fend for myself after the funeral.

Until one of Logan’s old friends steps in.

Only, in all the commotion, I didn’t keep an eye on the calendar.

And my heat starts at the most inconvenient of times.

Why is Logan’s friend reacting to my heat?

Only true mates are supposed to react to a mated Omega…

What’s going on?

This collection includes the first four novellas about Alpha Wilder and Omega Sterling in the Second Chance Mates serial, My Alpha’s Secret, My Mate’s Mark, My Lover’s Will and My Omega’s Disaster, which takes place in the non-shifter Omegaverse Mates World and contains mpreg (male-pregnancy).

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My Alpha’s Secret

SECOND CHANCE MATES 1

CHAPTER 1

Wilder

I hadn’t seen Logan in over a decade. Not since he left me stranded in the middle of nowhere, in the dark of night.

It’s hard to believe it’s been that long, that so much time has passed. But the aching in my chest never went away.

And then, yesterday, a phone call from my sister —Did I know that Logan had passed away? That he left behind an Omega, and a child?— I didn’t, but I could have known. I should have known that he would move on.

It hurts, knowing that your mate, the one person you love more than anyone in the world, is no longer here. It hit me right in the chest.

I haven’t slept since the phone call.

The pain is too raw, too much taking away each breath I try to take. To know that he moved on from me, from us, from our relationship, and then passed away…

A car crash, supposedly. I don’t know any details, but that’s what my sister told me.

How?

It all comes back to that one question.

How could he move on?

We were mated. I’m sure of it, even now, no matter what he told me that night.

The questions and doubts keep going through my mind.

If we were mated, really mated, then he couldn’t have conceived a child with someone else, an Omega… But then why, why do I still carry his mark?

Stepping into a coffee shop, I try to pull myself together.

I can’t show up at the funeral like some distraught mate. He already has a mate attending the funeral, surrounded by family and friends, supported by those closest to them. And it’s not me.

Even if there are people who do still remember that Logan and I used to be in a relationship, it’s no use showing up looking like a mess. There’s no reason to pull all the attention away from his family, his Omega, his kid.

My chest tightens painfully at the thought.

“Coffee, please. Black. Med—” I stop. “Make that a large.” I don’t look up, not able to face anyone right now.

I quickly pay for the coffee and as soon as my hand curls around the hot carton outside of a cup, I’m back out the door.

The cemetery is only a few minutes down the road. I start walking, but as soon as I see the signs for the cemetery, I falter.

I can’t do this.

I step to the side of the path, not wanting to be in the way of anyone. Then I lean against the wall, taking deep breaths.

My mind keeps going in circles.

How does Logan’s Omega do this? How can they show up to the funeral and keep it all together? I can’t even do it, and I haven’t seen or heard from Logan in a long time.

They? The morning of the accident they woke up in bed with Logan and by the evening, they were alone. Unlike me, they knew that he would never come back again. That he would never hold them in his arms again.

Fuck.

I push back the tears. Was this ever a good idea? Should I not have gone?

The bells of the church start ringing, jolting me back into action. I start moving towards the sound, following the cars, following the throng of people. Further up the road, I spot a familiar car.

My heart races and I hold my breath. But it’s just a car that looks like the one Logan and I used to have. The model is just off, probably a couple of years newer than ours was. I let out my breath.

The group of people starts to file into a small church. I’m about to follow them when I catch a glimpse of a tall man with jet black hair, now with streaks of silver. Logan’s father.

I stop too suddenly. The hot coffee spills over my fingers and I curse under my breath. I quickly make my way out of the stream of people, moving the cup from hand to hand as I try to find something to dry my hand with. I’m getting all worked up now.

Of course, this would happen. Of course.

“Here.” A woman’s voice catches my attention, and she holds out a tissue. I take it gratefully, drying off my hand.

As I look up to thank the woman, I recognise Logan’s older sister.

“Sarah.” My voice is breathless, too stunned. I hadn’t recognised her voice, but her face is the same.

Even after all these years, she still looks like the girl who always came around to our house to play with my sister. Back when Logan and I didn’t realise what it meant that we were always close, before we could foresee that the jokes about us being ‘joined at the hip’ would soon turn to sharp whispers and suspicious looks.

“Wilder.” She looks me over, but I can’t read the look in her eyes. “Did Lilly tell you?” Lilly, my older sister.

I nod, not able to say anything. We all used to be such good friends and then everything went wrong. But this time, the emotion passing over Sarah’s features is unmistakable, relief.

“Good.” Her voice is soft. “It wouldn’t be fair to you to not know about today. You deserve to be here. You probably more than anyone else. You knew him best, the true him.”

She looks up, her eyes now guarded. “Don’t let my parents see you.” She steps away, glancing back at me one last time before she joins her family inside.

What? What was that about? It’s not like I was planning to talk to anyone anyway. I’m just here to say goodbye to Logan, that’s all.

I wince at the coffee burning down my throat as I quickly finish the cup. Because I can’t take it inside with me, that wouldn’t be proper. I breathe deeply a few times before I make my way into the church.

Photos of Logan hang all around the church, but most imposing are the two huge banners that flank the altar. Logan, looking all professional in a suit and tie, like a picture for ‘employee of the month’, his eyes distant and cold. The same image, over and over and over, everywhere I look.

There are no photos of him with his Omega and child, his loved ones, or anyone else. Just this one, him, on his own, alone.

The images carry his face, but they look nothing like the man I used to know. They look like the image that his parents always had of him, for him, not like the man he really was.

Carefully stepping past a couple of people, I keep my eyes on the first rows. Both trying to make out who is who and also to make sure nobody else from Logan’s family spots me.

It’s too busy at the front to see much of anything, there are constantly people walking to and from the first couple of rows, obscuring anyone I may try to get a glimpse of. Which hopefully works to my advantage.

The church quiets down as a man walks to the front, a pastor or a priest or something, even though neither Logan nor his family is religious. But, as I look around and see the serious faces of the people nearby, I guess it makes an impression on the people that were invited.

I’m not sure what I expected, who I expected to show up. But even after all these years, I recognise most of the faces, business partners of Logan’s father, some people from either side of Logan’s parents’ family. I just hope they don’t recognise me.

What I’m missing though are Logan’s friends, people our age, people who he knew outside of work.

I guess I expected Logan to have at least made some friends in the last ten years. But all I see here are people much older than us, showing a respectable amount of grief, not for a friend, but for a business associate.

The service is about to begin, but as the man at the front starts to speak, a young girl slips past me. She can’t be more than seven or eight years old, her face streaked with tears, her sobs getting louder and louder, even as she moves away.

On instinct, I rush after her.

A little girl can get lost around here, and nobody needs the added problems of a lost kid at a funeral. I follow her, and a little away from the doors, not quite out of view of them, she stops and starts to sob uncontrollably.

Oh, poor girl.

I walk up to her, kneeling in front of her so I’m not towering over her and hopefully won’t scare her too much.

“Hey.” I hold out the tissue with the coffee stains. It’s all I have right now, and I don’t want her to ruin her beautiful dress. “Here, dry your tears with this.”

She looks up and for a moment I’m captivated by her. She’s beautiful, in a should-be-a-model-for-a-fashion-magazine kind of way.

“Thank you, sir.” Her voice is quiet, and polite, but she seems genuinely thankful for the tissue as she tries to dry her eyes with it.

“It’s bad, eh? All those crying old people.” I try to smile a little, give her some courage, even though it’s mostly me I’m talking about. I’m the one struggling to contain my tears.

She nods solemnly, her face now twisted in pain. That was probably not the right thing to say.

“There you are.” A man’s voice reaches us, followed by quick footsteps. “You can’t just run off, Maddy.”

I look up, and the moment his eyes meet mine, a jolt goes through me. I don’t need to be introduced to this man, I already know who he is. Little Maddy is a perfect mix of Logan and this man in front of me, Logan’s Omega.

Somewhere, I’d hoped never to meet him, to not have reality clash with my imagination. Maybe even ignore the last ten years of my life, like it never happened.

But seeing him here, it feels like a knife is being jabbed into my chest, all the feelings of pain and loss intensify and at the same time make me feel numb.

The second thing I notice is how exhausted he looks, how broken, and that somehow hurts even more.

I turn around, about to walk away, as his hand falls on my arm. “Thank you for going after her. She’s taking it hard.” His voice is strained. It’s not just her who’s taking it hard, but he’s the adult, the parent, so his first priority is taking care of Maddy, not himself.

“I can’t imagine what it must feel like for her to lose her father so suddenly.” What I can imagine is losing a mate.

But I don’t say anything else, not able to speak the words for fear of breaking down in front of Logan’s Omega.

Instead, I put my hand over his, a reflex, but neither of us pulls away.

He nods, his eyes averted. “How did you know L—” He starts Logan’s name, but can’t seem to finish it. “Him?”

How did I know him? Who am I to Logan? In comparison to his Omega, his mate, the father of his child?

I’m nobody. Just a person Logan used to know.

Logan’s Omega can never know who I really am. I can’t spoil the memories he has of his mate. He can never know that his mate used to date another Alpha, had been mated to another Alpha.

“We used to be good friends when we were young. But I hadn’t seen him in ages.” I try to sound as calm as possible even as my heart races.

The man mulls this over for a moment. Then he looks at Maddy, who’s quietly leaning against him, her eyes far away as she lets out a little sniffle. “How did you know who she was? Who I am?”

“She looks like him, or Sarah, when she was younger, and she also looks like you. I heard he—” My voice breaks, words no longer coming out of my mouth.

The man looks at me and I realise I’m a little taller than him, so when he meets my eyes, he has to look up.

I clear my throat, swallowing down the heartache that is constricting my voice. “I heard he left behind an Omega and a kid. I just assumed from there.”

Tears well up in his eyes and I want to wrap my arms around him. Instead, I squeeze his hand a little, all the comfort I can offer him.

“I’m sorry. That was thoughtless of me to say.” How did I manage to make both of them cry? I’m so not the right person for this.

“No.” He shakes his head. “You’re… You’re right. I just…” He takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

“Me neither.” The words slip from me, the pain in them way too clear, and Logan’s Omega looks up at me with a strange look in his eyes.

I have to remind myself that I’m not here to make trouble, I’m here to say goodbye to Logan. I’m here as ‘an old friend’, nothing more.

I let go of Logan’s mate’s hand, stepping away, putting distance between us before I do something else I’m not supposed to. “I think it’s better if you go back inside. They’ll be wondering where you are.”

Emotions cross over his face, frustration, anger, dejection. His reluctance to go back inside, and the way that we’ve been out here for a while, but nobody has come looking for them… I suspect Logan’s family is still the same as ever, and I don’t expect his Omega has been treated the best.

He lets out a sigh. “I guess. It’s just so much. Too big.” He eyes the church.

“He would have wanted a small cremation, just a few people, no hassle.” As I say the words, I kick myself mentally. That was totally out of line for ‘an old friend’.

His eyes shoot to my face, surprised, then he nods. “Yeah.” He’s about to ask me something, but I’m saved by Maddy as she starts to pull on his arm, obviously starting to get bored now. “Again, thank you for going after her.”

“It was no problem. I’m sorry for your loss.” I step back, giving him more space to move away.

He steps past me, but then meets my eyes one last time. “You too.” He takes Maddy’s hand and walks back towards the church.

I gasp for breath, feelings overwhelming me and I’m sure I won’t be able to go back into the church in this state. I guess it’s time for me to go home, there’s no reason to stay around any longer.

I won’t be able to see Logan one last time, and the one person I was dreading to see, the one person I actually had no interest in meeting, ever, I saw. I didn’t want to meet Logan’s Omega, but I guess I had to.

It’s over now.

Logan is gone.

And before he passed away, he’d stopped being mine a long time ago. I can see that now.

I guess I was so wrapped up in my own world, in my own past, that I never considered the possibility that there might be someone out there for me. Someone just for me, like Logan found in this man.

Then why am I not leaving?

Why am I staying here, waiting for everyone to come outside? Why am I taking that chance?

Why am I taking the chance that his family will see me and make a fuss?

CHAPTER 2

Sterling

If I hold onto Maddy any tighter, I’ll crush her little hand.

This was not how things were supposed to turn out. A widower in my early thirties, with a child and two businesses now depending on me. I need to stay strong, I can’t show any signs of breaking down, not now, not now all eyes are on me.

These last few days have been so overwhelming. After they heard about the accident, Logan’s parents swooped in and took control over everything.

The only thing I was allowed to do was to not cry in front of them and to follow their every demand. They chose every detail of the funeral, down to the dress that Maddy is wearing today.

This isn’t us. This isn’t me. This isn’t Logan. But I have no way to control what’s going on.

I’m only an Omega. I’m lucky that they even care enough about me to not push me to the back. Instead, they parade me around, the perfect image of the grieving widower, when they need me to.

Losing Logan without him having produced an Alpha heir, they’re panicking. Logan was their only Alpha child. And now, now they have no one to take over the company. I’d feel sorry for them, if Logan hadn’t hated his family’s plans as much as I do.

I know that they’re frustrated, that they don’t know what to do now that they lost such an important part of their future plans.

But why do they have to involve me in all of this? I don’t want it. I don’t want their family. I just want to return home, I want to grieve my mate in my own way.

I want for people to stop looking at Maddy and me with that look in their eyes… Pity. Not just the sadness of losing a loved one, but pity. Pity that I didn’t give Logan’s family an Alpha heir.

“Daddy…” Maddy’s quiet voice reaches me and I look down at her. Her bottom lip wobbles and I let go of her hand, scared I hurt her, but she raises both her arms. She wants to be held, even though she’s getting way too big for that.

I reach down and lift her up anyway, hiding my face against her, letting a few tears slide that won’t stay in.

“Daddy, I miss Dad.” Her soft words are for my ears only.

“Me too, baby. Me too.” I pull her tighter, hiding from the whole event a little, hiding with our little girl, the only part of Logan I’ve got left.

Sarah’s voice startles me. “Pull yourself together, Sterling, just a little longer. We’re nearly at the end. A little longer and they won’t be bothering you for a couple of days at least.”

Then she carefully pries Maddy from my arms. “Hey, little girl, let’s go and leave the adults alone for a while. Yeah?”

I quickly dry my eyes and try to put on my most neutral face as I see people start to move, the whole ceremony just went straight by me as I was too focused on myself instead of the things around me. Fuck.

Logan’s dad steps next to me, his eyes stern. Blue eyes, like ice, so cold that I feel like I’m freezing every time I look into them. How did Logan, the sweetest and kindest man that I know, come from parents like these?

People start filing by as they leave, mumbling words I’m in no state to understand as they shake my hand or put their hand on my shoulder, like any of this is going to help. It only helps them to feel good about themselves.

I just want to return home and get back to daily life, get back to some resemblance of normalcy.

It will never be the same, but at least it’ll be on my own terms. At least I won’t be surrounded by people who have no idea how to act towards me.

As the last people have left, Logan’s parents turn to me. His father speaks up. “Well, we’ll be visiting the house this weekend, to make sure you’re doing well. I assume that Sarah will be driving you home.”

I nod, suddenly very aware that being alone at home also means being alone at home, nobody but me, Maddy and the daily chores.

Logan’s father inclines his head towards me, his mother, an Omega like me, does the same, and with that, they’re off.

I can’t believe it.

They swooped in and took over my life, and just as quickly, they’re gone again, leaving me to rebuild from the ruins. They’ll only put up with me as long as they have to, and not a second longer.

It’s always been like that. But I guess, since I won’t be giving them an Alpha heir, it doesn’t matter anyway. They’ve lost all interest in me now.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I see someone leaning against a tree, and when I look up, I realise that it’s the same man as I saw earlier. I don’t know why, but I kept looking for him during the ceremony and the lowering of the coffin, but he’d disappeared after we spoke.

He seemed as out of place in this strictly organised ordeal as I felt. But there he is again, almost as if he’s only there when Logan’s family isn’t around…

“Daddy!” Maddy wraps her little arms around my legs. “I want to go home.”

I reach out to her, putting my hand on her beautiful curls. “We will, soon. I just need…” I just need some quiet time here, saying goodbye.

This is the first time since the accident that I’m relatively alone with Logan, the first time his family isn’t glaring at me for having emotions. My breath gets cut off and I stumble for a moment.

Arms surround me and I hold on for dear life. “Shh. Shh.” Sarah’s voice is calm, but I can also hear the pain in it.

It hurts. It hurts so much.

To lose Logan like this, there was no reason to, there was no fucking reason for him to be gone. It was a freak accident, car failure. And now he’s gone.

How will I keep going? How will I keep living?

I don’t know how, but I know that I have to. I have to do it for Maddy, for our girl, because there isn’t anything else in the world anymore.

I take deep breaths, standing up straight, and Maddy is looking at me, her eyes big. I wish I could take this view away from her, her useless father, who can’t keep it together long enough to function properly until they’re back home. Her father, who breaks down while he should be caring for her.

My eyes are drawn up again. The man is still standing in the same place, like he wants to be here, but doesn’t know if he should be.

Sarah turns her head, realising I’m staring at something. And right then, something interesting happens, the look on her face, the pain, the horror, the deep sadness.

“Oh, god, Wilder.” She looks at me, tears filling her eyes, opening her mouth a few times before she shakes her head. “I’ll be right back. I need to speak to him.” Her voice is hoarse, on the verge of breaking.

My eyes follow her, and as soon as she comes close, the man pulls her tight, their arms locked around each other.

I don’t know why, but it breaks my heart even more to see them cling to each other like that. Like they are the only people in the world who understand each other, their only hope.

When they pull apart, Sarah is saying something and the man, Wilder, is shaking his head. But she doesn’t seem to listen to him and pulls on his arm to bring him over.

The way they act with each other, so familiar, it’s odd. In the eight or so years that I’ve known Sarah, I’ve never seen her act like that with anyone, not even Logan.

“Sterling, this is Wilder, he is…” She trails off as she looks at him.

“An old friend of Logan’s. He knows this, we met earlier when your niece ran off during the ceremony.” His voice is gruff and his whole posture is a little awkward.

They exchange a look. Sarah seems puzzled and then frowns, but a glare from Wilder stops whatever she wanted to ask. Though, she seems to move on from it easily enough. “Well, then you know that Sterling is Logan’s mate and this is their daughter, Madeline.”

“Maddy.” Wilder kneels next to her, using the name I used earlier, and I don’t know how, but she smiles at him. “I’m glad you were a really good girl today. Your daddy is going to need you to be strong. Can you do that?”

Maddy nods, then she hugs him. “Thank you for talking to Daddy earlier.” Her light voice is heard by all of us, and I feel my face heat up as Sarah looks at me.

Well, yes, we talked for a moment and I’m not exactly sure why that makes me blush. At least he treated me somewhat normally, unlike how everyone else has been treating me.

Then Sarah’s eyes go serious. “Sterling, do you have any friends or neighbours who can check in on you in the next couple of days? I know this won’t be easy. Getting Maddy to school and getting ready for the market and…” She trails off and swallows hard. “Fuck. Sorry. I wish my family wasn’t so messed up.”

“They want you back at work tomorrow?” Wilder reaches out to her. “You just lost your brother. They’re being totally unreasonable.”

“You know how they are.” She leans against him and he holds her again.

His eyes darken as he looks at Maddy and me, sadness flashing over his face. “I do. I do know what they’re like.”

He lets out a long breath. “I’ll do it. I’ve taken the week off anyway, and… I think it would be good for both of us not to be alone right now.”

Both of us? What? A stranger in my house? Now? “I can’t make you do that.”

“Yeah.” Sarah frowns. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“Lo— Logan was my…” his jaw sets, pushing the next word out, “friend. This is the least I can do for him.”

“Are you sure?” Sarah doesn’t seem to like the idea.

I get that Wilder and Logan used to be friends, but this is a little extreme, staying over with someone’s mate just because you used to be friends.

“Yeah. If Sterling and Maddy are okay with it. I’m not much of a bother. I can cook, I can clean, I can… I don’t know, change light bulbs? Anything that you need right now.” He looks so sincere, and the idea of not returning to an empty house is tempting.

Getting away from all this mess, this charade set up by my family-in-law, feels like the one thing I really need to do. At the same time, being actually alone? Not having anyone around? That scares the hell out of me.

“Okay, I guess. It’s a big enough house and you can have the guest room.” I shrug, too tired to even think this whole thing through.

I’m done with being out in public for a day. I’m done being a sensible adult. I’m ready to go home, and the way that Maddy is hanging on me, I suspect she is too.

“But I would like to go home now.”

“Daddy… carry me.” Maddy’s voice is hard to resist, and I nearly pick her up before Wilder kneels down next to her.

“I think Daddy is tired, is it okay if I carry you?” He looks at her so seriously, like he’s honestly waiting for her answer instead of just doing whatever he thinks is best.

Maddy looks at him for a moment and then nods as she wraps her arms around his neck. He pulls her close and stands up again, holding her at his side.

“I guess we’ll need to fit all four of us in my car?” Sarah starts walking towards the parking lot.

“Yeah, I didn’t think coming by car would be a good idea.” Wilder walks beside me as he talks to Sarah, and I feel more relaxed than I have in days.

I guess it’s this weird Alpha thing that some of them have, but having Wilder at my side, it’s calming me down somewhat. Knowing that there’s someone who cares enough to be there for me.

But it doesn’t take away any of the pain, or the regrets about all the things Logan and I still wanted to do.

I have no idea if that will ever go away.

CHAPTER 3

Wilder

We quickly drive by my place, picking up some clothes and other things I’ll need. I never expected this to happen. To suddenly spend all of the coming week with Logan’s mate.

But somehow, since you can never expect any decency from Logan’s parents, I seem to be the only one who can be there for his little family. How did everything get so messed up?

In the back of the car, Sterling and Maddy have fallen asleep, and Sarah keeps giving me glances, but she doesn’t say anything. She knows too well what Logan meant to me, and she also knows that I would never have been able to not step in and take care of his mate and child in a situation like this.

There are only so many times in your life that you can make a difference, and I believe this is one of them.

Besides…

It’s not just about them, I don’t think that being alone is the right thing for me right now either. I know that I won’t be able to lean on Sterling, but I think that just being there for Sterling and Maddy may help to somewhat lessen my own pain.

We drive out of the bounds of the city, into fields interspersed with small groups of trees.

It only hits me then that they lived so close, close enough to drive to the city without having to think about it.

My quick gasp attracts Sarah’s attention.

“We’ll be there in twenty or so minutes.” She puts her hand on my leg and I cover my mouth as I internally break down, trying not to let out the sounds of pain as this new realisation sets in.

He lived so close by. Any time in the past ten years, we could have run into each other.

My eyes shoot to the two in the back, they’re still asleep. Which is good right now, as the pain won’t go away and the tears keep coming. This is my pain, they don’t need to know about this. This isn’t about them, this is about me, me and Logan.

Sarah squeezes my leg again as she keeps driving, she knows, of all the people, she’s one of the few who know about this pain.

I put my head against the window, looking out over the fields. But it doesn’t calm me down, especially since I know that the city isn’t far behind us. My city, the one I’ve lived in my whole life. I close my eyes, my heart too heavy.

I must have dozed off at some point, as the next thing I become aware of is the sound of gravel under the wheels of the car.

The house emerging in front of us is simple, not very big, sort of like a cottage, but there’s a good-sized walled garden visible from the front and there are fields around it. I think I can see sheep walking around in the back.

“Home!” Maddy chirps from the backseat as she starts to get restless.

I look up and meet Sterling’s eyes in the mirror, he tries to smile but there’s just no energy behind it. If anything, he now looks worse than before. I can’t fault him, this is the house he shared with Logan, there will be many memories and they’ll be a constant reminder of his loss.

“Okay, let’s get inside.” Sarah puts on a happy face as she opens the car door and, in the back, Maddy also tries to get out of the car as quickly as she can. For the first time, I’m on my own with Sterling.

“I know you would have much preferred someone that you actually know to stay here with you. I get that. I understand that it can’t be easy to have a stranger around right now.” I meet his eyes again. “I’m sorry.”

He nods, looking out the window. “I guess it’s okay. Sarah was right, I can’t keep this all running on my own. So, thank you for helping out a stranger.” He follows his little girl with his eyes as she’s rushing to the gate that opens into the garden. “And his kid.”

He’s quiet for a moment and I’m about to get out of the car as he speaks up again. “Maybe knowing that you knew him and that you still cared for him, even after a long time, knowing all that, maybe it makes this a little easier. I don’t know. Does that make sense?”

“Loss doesn’t have to make sense, neither does surviving it.” I open the car door. “I’ll be here if you need me for anything, it doesn’t matter what it is. But you don’t have to do it all on your own.”

As I step out, I see him nod from the corner of my eyes. He looks exhausted and so lost. Something inside me is desperate to take that pain away for him, even when I know that I can’t.

How did I get myself into this again?

Oh, yeah, because I’m way too nice of a guy. Or maybe because I know what it’s like to be profoundly alone, even if our situations are different.

I go to the back of the car and grab my bag. I only packed some essentials, so I don’t have to worry about clean clothes and stuff.

Though, seeing this place, maybe I should have taken clothes that are better suited to get dirty. It seems like they do a lot of outside work around here.

Sarah joins me and stops me for a moment. “Are you sure about this? I could see if I can change my parents’ minds, or even ask a neighbour. I don’t want to put you in a bad situation.”

I can hear the underlying words, even if she doesn’t speak them, ‘not again’. Because Sarah and Lilly are the only ones who know how I nearly didn’t survive Logan leaving me a decade ago.

Who knows what will happen now he’s really gone?

“It’s not just for them. I’ve never properly been able to say goodbye either. I feel like I need to do this. For me. To finally get closure, hopefully.” I pull the bag over my shoulder and look up just as Sterling opens the door to the house.

I stumble back as my mind flashes to the past. Directly in the doorway is the painting that Logan and I used to have by our front door.

According to him, it represented love, kindness and an invitation to do good by a stranger. For me, it represented home.

I let out a strangled sound.

Yeah, Logan doing good by a stranger, that was so him. But what about the people who loved him? What about them?

Maddy appears in the doorway, her shoulders down, and Sarah and I both step towards her before I stop and let Sarah take the lead. Sarah looks at me for a moment, confused, before she goes into the house.

I follow them and close the door behind me. Then, as naturally as if I did it only yesterday, I touch the frame of the painting, about halfway up, on the right side. The spot is smooth and worn away and it feels as welcome, as comforting, as it has always felt.

And, for a moment, I’m transported back into the past.

I don’t exactly know why I started touching this spot, but I’ve always done it. As a silent prayer at first, but over time, I did it because it made me feel like I was home.

This time, that prayer is not for my own happiness, or for a home, but for everyone to survive this horrible time.

When I look to the side, Sterling stares at me, tears in his eyes. He quickly dries them, but they won’t stop.

Fuck, what did I do? I clearly messed up.

I reach out, pulling him into an embrace and he leans against me, sobs wracking his body. My own tears rise to the surface again and I hold onto him tightly.

As he calms down, the words come out. “Sorry. Sorry. I was just coming to get you, to show you to your room. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. I’m sorry for being weird right when I step into your house.”

“It was just… It felt like he was right there. He… He’d always do that. I’ve never seen anyone else touch the painting like that. It was surreal. I guess it just overtook me.”

He steps back and wanders over to the painting, his voice mellowing. “You had this same look on your face as he always had, some sort of serenity. Even if it was fleeting.”

Then he turns to me, his eyes locking with mine before he looks away. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“It’s fine. It’s nice to hear about him.” Even if it hurts.

He stands up straight, composing himself again. “Right. Your bedroom. Follow me.” He guides me through the hall, to a door at the back, right across from a staircase.

“The guest room is in here. It may be a slight mess, we don’t use it often. Our bedrooms are upstairs and so is the main bathroom. There’s a small bathroom here.” He opens a door next to the stairs to show me.

“And ehm, the kitchen is all the way back down the hall, just like the living room.” He starts moving nervously.

“I think I’ll be able to find it. I’ll see you in there, yeah?”

He nods and makes his way down the hall.

I take a deep breath and step into the guest room. As I expected, there are a lot of boxes and piles of stuff cluttering the room, pictures, books, knickknacks. I close the door behind me before I let out a sound.

So many things that he took with him when he left are right here. He kept them, apparently, even if it’s just in a spare room. So many things that I have memories connected to, so much of our shared past lies here. He didn’t throw them away, he kept these things, even if not in plain sight.

What does that say about him leaving?

Why did he keep all of this?

How will I survive the next week with so many reminders of our shared past?

How will I be able to pretend that I’m ‘an old friend’, when everyone who takes a two-second look at me can see how badly I’m falling apart?

A quiet knock on the door makes me take a deep breath and pull myself back to the present. “Yes?”

“Daddy wants to know if you want something to drink,” Maddy speaks through the door.

I open the door for her and kneel down. She frowns and pulls the dirty tissue I gave her this morning from a pocket in her beautiful dress. “For your tears.”

“Thank you.” I take it and rub the tears away. “Maddy.” She looks at me. “Let’s keep this between us, okay? Daddy doesn’t need to know about my tears.” I put my finger to my lips.

She copies me. “Shh. Secret.”

“Yes, secret. Now, where is your daddy?” I feel like such an asshole, making this little girl keep a secret from her only living parent.

But I don’t need Sterling to know I’m falling apart. Not now. Hopefully never.

Maddy walks me down the hallway, to the kitchen.

A dream kitchen.

My dream kitchen.

The exact kitchen I’ve always wanted. Like it was plucked from my wildest dreams and planted into this reality.

Dreams I shared every detail of with Logan…

Fuck.

Sterling is sitting at the table, looking at me, apparently taking my surprise the wrong way. “Do you like it? Logan designed it. He also built most of it.” His proud smile makes me feel even worse.

My heart races and my face heats up. I try to push it down, this dark and sickening feeling. Try to force it to go away.

“Right.” My breathing comes out heavy and I grab around behind me, finding the handle of a door. As I try it, I feel a gust of cool air, a door to the outside. “It looks…”

I open the door fully and flee through the small utility room into the garden, my pace fast. Trying to get away as far as possible before I explode, before this feeling overtakes me.

The darkness inside me grows bigger and bigger.

In the back of the garden, I find a stack of firewood and nearby, leaning against the wall, an axe.

I shrug off my suit jacket, grab the axe and some wood.

Breaking things isn’t going to help, but at least this is a more productive way of getting that darkness out of my system, to cool myself down. I swing the axe, letting it come down on the wood, the splitting of the log like the sound of lightning, the smaller pieces shooting off to the sides.

I grab the next log, and the next. As many as I can get my hands on before I realise I’m being watched.

Sarah.

The words come out harsh. “That’s my kitchen! He designed that with me. And he lived in it with him!” I’m not sure if my heavy breathing now is from the emotions or the work I did.

“I know.” Sarah steps closer carefully and I drop the axe, letting it fall to the side. “I know.” She pulls me against her, like she did last time, like she did when Logan left me.

“I’m so confused. It hurts so much. Not just him being really gone, like really, really gone. But why did he tell me he had to move on, and then he lives in the house that we wanted together? How can he live in my house with a mate who isn’t me?”

My breath shudders, my chest aching. “I’m confused. It hurts.” I hide my face in her hair, trying to hide from the world once more.

I don’t care that I’m an Alpha.

This was supposed to be my life. This is what Logan and I planned all those years ago.

And now…

Why did he leave?